Our entire lives, we’ve been sold a lie.
We’ve been taught that growing up means putting your head down, working harder, staying later, and handling it all yourself. We’ve been taught that as parents, one of our primary responsibilities is to ensure that children grow up to be completely self-sufficient. We’ve heard it (and likely said it!) countless times: “Welcome to adulting! You’re on your own now.”
Not true.
I know because I’ve lived it. Before I was a CEO, growing my business and my family, I was a fresh graduate, just like your kids. In an uncertain world — where AI threatens jobs and the economy feels unstable — I’d like to share one truth that I hope will allow us to make our kids happier, more successful humans: The secret key to real independence is the ability to seek and accept help.
It’s hard for us as parents, and it’s definitely hard for kids on the precipice of adulthood. But “adulting” is not about getting good at doing everything alone. It’s not about suffering in silence or proving they need less than others to get by. Cheering them on as they walked across that graduation stage doesn’t have to be the last time they feel supported.
When I graduated, I thought I had it all figured out on my own. Until I didn’t. I was convinced I could handle everything myself, that asking for help was a weakness. Sound familiar?
Turns out, we aren’t alone. In a study conducted by the Harris Poll and my company, Duckbill, we’ve found that two-thirds of adults aged 18-54 admit they’re just trying to get through each day. Your coworkers, your kids’ teachers, their bus driver — most of them are barely keeping their heads above water.
Among young people, 67 percent say time has become a luxury they can’t afford. When they do find free time, 80 percent of them feel guilty, like there’s “always something they should be doing.”
The worst part? One in four young people believes their needs simply don’t matter as much as everyone else’s.
What’s happening here? Somewhere along the way, we confused independence with isolation. We mistook struggling alone for strength.
Real adulting means knowing yourself, recognizing what you need, and asking for help to get it.
The best thing we can teach our kids is to learn to ask for help. Not because they’re weak, but because they’re smart. And when we teach kids how to ask for help, we give them tools that can help them look for help in the right places (meaning they won’t always turn back to you)!
How to help your kid get started? Don’t overthink it. Start with one simple rule: Offload what they hate doing.
Really. That’s the rule.
That thing they always procrastinate? The task that gives them a pit in their stomach? That’s the starting point.
Is it finding a roommate? Figuring out orientation? Choosing classes? Booking a doctor’s appointment? Start there.
Encourage them to ask a friend to help meal prep. Show them how tech can surface job opportunities. Let AI help with scheduling appointments or organizing their calendar. (Though they may not feel like it, the jobs and studies are the fun part. It’s the soul-sucking, energy-draining life admin that you want to help them learn how to deal with… and ultimately outsource to someone other than you.)
The lie of toxic independence doesn’t have to be their reality, like it was ours. They can become more independent adults by embracing interdependence.
Model it. Encourage it. Show them it’s OK to need community, togetherness, and help!
This generation is entering a world that desperately needs their creativity, emotional intelligence, and compassion. But they can’t give those gifts if they’re drowning in the myth that they have to do everything alone.
So help them ask for help. Their needs matter. Their happiness matters. And the world needs them and YOU, at your best — not exhausted, not isolated, but supported, thriving, and independent.
Congratulations on sending off your Class of 2025. Now let them go forth — with help!
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