Summertime is supposed to be a time for adventure. Like the smart mom in The Sandlot tells her son: “I want you to get out into the fresh air and make some friends. Run around, scrape your knees, get dirty. Climb trees, hop fences, get into trouble for crying out loud!” Yet, parents today have seemingly lost the plot. They are so focused on protecting their teens — aka, hovering around them every minute — that they are actually hindering their development. A concerning new study found that parents today aren’t giving their teens freedom and independence they need for growth. If that sounds like you, then the summer is the perfect time to start.
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No Alone Time
The University of Michigan Health’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital asked U.S. parents of teens ages 13-18 about their family vacation habits and discovered some interesting trends. Less than half of parents (46 percent) would let their teen stay in the hotel room alone while the rest of the family grabs a hotel breakfast. Can you imagine? I remember my family leaving to get breakfast while I stayed asleep or lay in the bed watching cable as a child. And if I needed them, I would just get up, walk downstairs in my pajamas and find them. I was staying home alone at night and babysitting my younger siblings when my parents went out by the time I was 11 years old! I can’t imagine not letting a teen stay in a hotel room alone while you are just downstairs.
This isn’t the only eyebrow-raising trend among parents of teens today. The study found that 29 percent of parents would let their teen stay at the hotel while the parents go out to dinner; 31 percent would let their teen walk a short distance to a coffee shop; and only 21 percent would let their teen split off from parents at a museum or amusement park. One in five parents revealed that they have never allowed their teen to be away from them on vacation at any point.
To me, that’s just sad. There’s something about being dropped off at a mall or going to ride bigger roller coasters while your parents wait in line to meet Mickey Mouse with the younger kids that feels so freeing. You can get away from your parents for a while, make your own decisions about where to go, and even hang out and spend time with your similarly aged siblings if you have them. It’s a fun experience, and it builds resilience and confidence.
What Are Parents Afraid Of?
For parents who do allow teens to be away from them, 64 percent ask them to check in by phone, 62 percent ask them to stay with friends or siblings, and 55 percent stay in agreed-upon locations. Parents also keep track of their teens by tracking their cell phones (59 percent).
The reasons why parents don’t want their teens to be alone has less to do with how they think the teen will act (64 percent are very confident their teen would abide by their rules while away from their parents), and more to do with what they worry about happening to their teen. About half of parents (51 percent) worry about an accident or injury; 70 percent worry that their girls would be approached by a stranger (41 percent worry about the same for boys); and 47 percent worry their boys will do something dumb (only 36 percent of parents of girls worry about the same).
“Time away from parents, especially in new settings like vacations or family trips, can be an important step in helping teens build the confidence, decision-making, and self-management skills they’ll need as adults,” researchers said in a statement.
Benefits of Encouraging Independence in Teens (& Kids!)
The Anxious Generation author Jonathan Haidt has four tenets that he believes will help teens today: no smartphones before high school, no social media before age 16, phone-free schools, and more unsupervised play and childhood independence. He gets the most parent pushback on the fourth one, he says.
“On the phone side, we didn’t have to persuade anyone. Everybody already saw it, they just didn’t know what to do about it,” Haidt previously told SheKnows. “But persuading parents that they need to back off and give their kids the kind of freedom that they themselves had when they were young? It wasn’t like we just put it out there and everyone said, ‘Oh, of course.’”
He co-founded the organization Let Grow to encourage parents to “give young people back independence, responsibility, and free play.” Haidt told us, “We shouldn’t blame parents for ‘helicoptering.’ We should blame — and change — a culture that tells parents they must helicopter.”
At the inaugural Future of Fatherhood Summit in New York City in June 2025, Haidt encouraged dads specifically to challenge their kids to take risks.
“Risk and fear and excitement and thrills — these are biologically necessary,” Haidt said. “Kids need to climb a tree to the point where they’re scared. And then maybe they go down, but then the next time they go higher, they need that over and over again.”
He recommends starting to give your child more independent freedom at age 8, like letting your child explore a science center or similar place on their own, while you wait in the cafeteria, or waiting in the car while your kid goes into the supermarket alone to grab a couple items. “If you protect your kids from all risk, you’re ultimately hurting them,” Haidt said. “You want your kids to leave the nest and fly. We’ve gotta give ‘em some practice flying.”
And letting them stay in the hotel room alone (or go down to breakfast alone) is a great place to start.
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