With modern day technology comes a host of things to protect your teen from, but it also offers ways to protect them. Unlike your own parents, who had no idea where you were or how to contact you as a teen, you are in constant contact with your own teen and have the ability to track their every move. (In a recent survey of our SheKnows Teen Council, nearly 78 percent of respondents said that their parents keep tabs on them via location tracking, with almost half of those using Life360.) But is it too much? Is obsessively tracking your teen actually taking away their freedom during such a formative time? 

As a Gen Z-er who was digitally monitored throughout my teen years, here’s my opinion: While tracking is a great thing for your teen’s safety, as a parent you need to be careful just how closely you’re hovering. While my parents were never the type to overly obsess, I will say that their constant access to my day-to-day activities made me a sneakier kid. The summer after my junior year of high school I was in a small beach town with twenty of my best friends, our days filled with retail and restaurant jobs, tanning, swimming, and an intoxicating sense of freedom. We all lived with our families but were so caught up in the antics of a high school summer that we were rarely home and practically on our own—that is, of course, except for our phones. The tradeoff of such independence was that we had to be reachable at all times and had tracking apps since we weren’t updating our parents with every move. 

I snuck out earlier that summer, only to be caught and grounded because my Life360 recognized when I got back home. So a few weeks later when my friend hosted a party at midnight and my entire friend group went, I knew how to avoid the punishment I was sure to get if caught.  Either my phone got left behind or I did, and there was no way it was going to be me. In hindsight, I know that I was risking a lot. I had no way of contacting anyone if I needed help, no way of soothing my parents’ worries if they found me missing, and no way of navigating the pitch-black woods I was biking into. But it was either brave the outing sans technology or miss out on a fun summer night with my friends, and in my teenage brain, the choice was clear. 

Now that I’m older, I’m allowed to come and go as I please and with that trust, my phone now comes with me. The moment my parents realized that I could handle the responsibility and make good decisions for myself was the moment I stopped being sneaky. They now actually know where I am, what I’m doing, and can contact me in an emergency, all because they relaxed their grip. 

Your teenager understands that your first worry is protecting them and ensuring their safety, but the last thing you want is to put that in jeopardy by making them fall back on deceitful, risky behavior. I’m not telling you to stop tracking your teen, but I am telling you to be careful of being too strict or too hard on them. You do not want to be the parent they’re scared to come to when things go south. Be forgiving when you catch them in the occasional rebellious moment, because if you’re not, then next time they’ll make sure they won’t get caught. If there’s one thing you take away from this, it’s that strict parents make sneaky kids — and a sneaky kid is an unsafe one.

It can be difficult to find the sweet spot between being too relaxed and being a helicopter parent, but I promise you it will be a whole lot easier if you talk to your teen. I asked three 16-year-olds where their parents fell on the spectrum, and if they agreed with the phrase “strict parents make sneaky kids.”

Kaya answered, “I think my parents are strict on some things, but for parties or something, they’re not, and that’s what I’m most mature in actually … [where] I have the most boundaries for myself.” Clive said his ‘very chill’ parents didn’t set many boundaries, which benefited him in the long run. “I think that teaches you to set your own boundaries, which is a lot more valuable,” he told me. “If you have a curfew from very young and you’re told you can’t do anything, you’re gonna want to actually break those boundaries. But if they’re not set for you, you kind of learn morally how those things are right.”

Joris, whose parents also didn’t impose many rules, said their relaxed and trusting approach made him more likely to listen when they did draw the line. “My parents are more chill and don’t put a lot of restrictions on stuff, so when they actually do put restrictions on things, I think I definitely listen more, or I’m more open to listening, because they’re normally cool with what I do.” So while some parents prefer to set every guideline for their kids, the teens I spoke with agreed that it’s better for them to figure out their own beliefs, boundaries, and practices without their parents’ interference. 

Gen Z has made clear that they are ready for independence — and parents, while that realization is hard to confront, you must let them learn to succeed and fail on their own. Simply put, being too strict is just as harmful for your teen’s future as not being strict enough. Find the middle ground by talking to your teen, and be the parent who can loosen the reins sometimes.

I was lucky enough to have parents that were readily available to me, but who quickly understood that there were things that I would need to learn on my own, through my own mistakes. If your teen is anything like the teens I spoke to, they are more than capable and ready to regulate their own lives. Just sit back and wait for them to find you when they need you.  

Interested in joining our Teen Council or learning more? Email us at teencouncil@shemedia.com.

A new school year is upon us, and it’s natural for both parents and kids to feel a little bit of apprehension. We’re going from a more relaxed summer schedule to one that likely starts (much) earlier in the day and is soon to include homework and extracurriculars. Kids are adjusting to a new classroom, a new bus route, or maybe even an entirely new school. As parents who hate to see our kids uncomfortable, we question whether we’ve done enough to prepare them — to make their transition into the new academic year as smooth as possible.

As parents ourselves, we’re seeking those answers too, so we turned to clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy (better known as simply “Dr. Becky”) for advice on getting kids ready, and off on the right foot, for back-to-school season. TIME Magazine hailed her “the millennial parenting whisperer”. Her podcast, Good Inside, was listed as one of Apple’s best podcasts of 2021. Her parenting guide was an instant #1 New York Times bestseller. Suffice it to say, she knows a thing or two (or tons!) — she even created a back to school workshop on her website to help parents navigate through this very topic. Here, she gives us a hand too, with her sage advice on the biggest issues families face when it comes to going back to school.

Establishing a New Routine

“Name what will stay the same and what will be different when your child transitions back to school,” Dr. Becky suggests. “For example, you might say: ‘Mommy will wake you up in the morning and make you breakfast — that’s the same. You will eat lunch with your friends at school — that’s different!’ Helping kids identify ‘same and different’ helps them feel secure in the transition.”

Managing Separation Anxiety

For younger kids that might be a little hesitant to leave a parent’s side, Dr. Becky advises coming up with a simple separation routine — a goodbye that you can repeat each day. “This allows a child to be able to count on something familiar in the separation process — and that is huge for separation success.

Managing General Anxiety About Going Back to School

Dr. Becky tells SheKnows that there are two important components to alleviating kids’ fears: validation and confidence. In other words, she says, “Validate your kid’s feelings and name your confidence in them. Most of us do one component without the other, and this is an incomplete strategy that leaves kids feeling frustrated.”

An example of validation without confidence: “I know, back to school is hard! It’s so hard.”

An example of confidence without validation: “You’re going to figure it out, I know it.”

To help kids build resilience, she explains, we need a combination of those two things: “Back to school is hard, and I know you’re going to figure it out.”

Dr. Becky’s Top Tip for Parents

We asked Dr. Becky for the single most crucial piece of advice she would give parents about handling back-to-school season — or, really, any season at all.

“I come back to my ultimate parenting mantra:  ‘This feels hard because it is hard,'” she tells us. If you’re like most parents, your first instinct when things get difficult is to blame yourself. It’s that nagging, guilty little voice every parent knows that says, “Why am I such a bad parent?” or “What is wrong with me?”

“Self-blame freezes us, spirals us into anxiety, and gets in our way of seeing what we need — and what our kid needs,” Dr. Becky says. “The mantra, ‘This feels hard because it is hard’ or even ‘this feels hard because it is hard … not because I’m doing something wrong’ helps us validate the struggle in front of us without adding that layer of self-blame. This is everything.”

Going from summer to fall — and all that it brings — can mean a lot of changes, and a lot of concerns to accompany them. But luckily, we can ease anxieties and instill confidence with just a few tweaks to the way we talk to our kids … and, of course, to ourselves!

This was not the case. When I opened my eyes the following morning, it was not because of an alarm, but because of my mom dangling the misplaced spare keys in front of my face.

Their resolution and “solution” from there on out was to track me using the popular app Life360. I am their only child, and not only is it their first time parenting in the digital age, but also their first time parenting in general. There is no older sibling to guide their choices for me. 

I was devastated at the time. My newly gained freedom had been snatched out from under me; I was being controlled under the hand of a suppressive regime. Back then, my parents had claimed that they tracked me for the sole purpose of making sure I was safe, but I didn’t totally buy it — and even if I did, I still wasn’t too thrilled about it. I assumed that safety went both ways, but they refused to give me their locations too. To me, it felt like a mechanism for control: a way for them to lurk in the shadows ready to crush my every unwise 14-year-old ambition. So, I had the natural reaction of any teen: I became sneaky, and I figured out the ways around Life360. 

Now at 17, they still have access to my location, and I don’t mind it nearly as much. We have good communication, and they (mostly!) always know where I am. But in the three years it took to get to this point, my friends and I got clever, and it took no more than a quick TikTok search.

Sneaky Option #1: 

I was at my friend’s house when I was 15, both of us victims of the Life360 epidemic, when we caught wind of a party we simply HAD to attend. That party was the place to be; everyone who was anyone was going to be there, and we knew what was awaiting us if we did (or didn’t) go. It was either social downfall or a months-long house arrest, so my friend and I were faced with the question of how to avoid surveillance when we were to be in bed strictly by 11. A TikTok video of a guy whose credentials were “former teenager” promised to have all the answers.

First, he instructed us to go to our settings and toggle on and off a few of the options under Life360. Then we were instructed to turn off WiFi and bluetooth so that our last known location would be saved as my friend’s house. We left the house and put it to the test. It seemed to work at first; our last location was saved and it didn’t show us moving, and neither of us had heard from our overbearing mothers: It seemed like a master plan. But something must have gone wrong — perhaps we connected to the party’s WiFi — so we were sentenced and put back in our pens. (I believe that Life360 has since fixed this clever hack, for any hopeful teen readers.) 

Sneaky Option #2:

This seems like the more obvious, but slightly riskier move: Leave the phone in question at home. At 16, two of my friends had the novel idea to take an Uber up to our other friend’s house in Connecticut at the ripe hour of 1 a.m. Of course, there was the question of how to pull this off sight unseen. The solution was leaving their phones in a pile under the bed (below the fake bodies constructed out of pillows). They took their computers instead, planning to connect them to WiFi in order to communicate with each other and eventually call the Uber home.

Against all odds, this one was pulled off. Some might say this was poor judgement and a little dangerous, but hey, if we weren’t tracked, my friends could’ve just brought their phones. I, too, tried this method once or twice, but never on a trip across state lines.

To be sure, tracking and safety can go hand-in-hand. But our parents were never tracked, and I know their parents weren’t either. And miraculously (as they might suggest), they are still alive to tell about it. What it must have been like to grow up in the good fortune of pre-technological times! The world used to be an open field of possibility for us teens; now it seems it’s more of a high tech police state run by our parents.

Perhaps the absence of tracking gave our parents a better sense of independence and autonomy. It certainly gave them fewer opportunities to lie to their parents. I think the term “safety” might be a larger umbrella of an excuse to control us; after all, we are their precious offspring, their legacy for the future world. But ironically, tracking in the name of safety often leads to more friction in parent-child relationships, and less opportunity to have experiences critical to growing up. Parents were never meant to know everything that goes on in the lives of their teens — it’s simply unnatural.

Mom and Dad, if you’re reading this, sorry! Forgive me! And I’d like your locations too … just to make sure everyone’s safe.

As kids head back to school, they may need a little extra help at home with one of the building blocks of reading: their ABCs! Maybe a little learner is heading to preschooler or kindergarten, and you want to give them a bit of extra practice at home. Or maybe you have a tot who’s still at home — and is ready to learn something too! Either way, hands-on learning is the best kind of learning, especially when it comes to the alphabet. Free printables are fun, creative, and educational for kids — especially these free printable letters, which will help kids get their ABCs down pat.

Educators remind us time and again that parents are a child’s first teacher, and it’s true. While this doesn’t mean you need to go full-on homeschooling, or that you have to devote hours to teaching and coaching your little one on academics, every bit helps. Giving kids the opportunity to practice recognizing and sounding out letters while coloring them in can make them feel more comfortable as they learn to read — and can have positive effects long after they return to school. Plus: Learning letters at home can help instill a love of reading in your child, which we adult bookworms know is a gift they can enjoy for the rest of their life.

And as a bonus, these easy-peasy printable letters are a great way to keep kids entertained when you need a few minutes to yourself. We’ve put together basic printables for the whole alphabet, plus an extra set of more detailed ABC coloring sheets. (Psst … don’t underestimate the therapeutic properties of coloring for grownups too!) Print them out — go ahead and add some of these springy coloring pages to your queue.

While you’re at it — grab some washable markers or our favorite non-toxic crayons from New Zealand (We’re looking at you Honeysticks!), and prepare for an afternoon of learning fun!

A version of this story was originally published in April 2017.

Growing up as an ’80s kid was idyllic, wasn’t it? We had no idea how good we had it. Riding bikes, climbing trees, playing hide-and-seek, and watching cartoons on cable TV … we were the lucky ones. Sure, today’s kids have much cooler gadgets like iPads and remote-control drones and can FaceTime their friends instead of fighting with their siblings over use of the house phone. But what they don’t get to have — at least most of the kids I know, including my own — is a simple, carefree childhood. And that is because competitive youth sports has completely jumped the shark. 

My third child came out of the womb ready to play competitive sports. For him, everything is a game with a winner and a loser — especially if there is a ball involved. Even a random game of wiffle ball in the yard on a hot June afternoon can turn very intense, very fast. So yes, we have supported his love for sports since the toddler years and will continue to do so for as long as we can. But unfortunately, as a 12-year-old playing competitive travel baseball and hockey, that means his childhood looks a lot different than mine did (or my husband’s) and that often makes me sad.

The Youth Travel Sports Life

Hockey parents know what hockey life means. This isn’t a sport that lasts a few months of the year, at least not at the competitive level. Hockey players need to constantly hone their skating skills, and that can only be done on ice. Whereas other sports can be practiced outside in the yard or big field nearby, hockey players need to get into the rinks as much as they can. And that means, for lots of kids, it becomes a year-round sport, or close to it.

And then there’s baseball. Thankfully, baseball, at least in our town, remains a sport open to all skill levels. We have a thriving rec program for kids who want to play at a less competitive level, and we also have try-out select teams that only take 11 or 12 kids per team. My son has been on a select team for years, which means that yes, he also works on his baseball skills year-round (practicing inside during the winter months). 

He loves hockey. He loves baseball. When a new season comes around, and that first game is about to start, he can’t get into his uniform fast enough. But competitive youth sports can also be an overwhelming commitment for kids, and this high level of intensity is starting at younger and younger ages. My husband, who was an incredible baseball player throughout his life and played on some of the best teams in the country, will even say that sports didn’t become intense for him until well into his teen years. As a young kid, youth sports were still youth sports — everyone was allowed to play, there weren’t a ton of high expectations, and it was all just good fun in town.

Now, there is so much pressure to “keep up” with the rest of the kids so you won’t get cut from the team or so that you’ll make the team next year, and far too often, young athletes are being robbed of the simple joys of childhood they deserve.

Finding a Middle Ground

We try to find a balance for our son, knowing how much he loves to play sports, but also knowing how much he loves to go fishing, ride his bike, play video games with his friends, and swim in the pool. And he absolutely should do all of those things at 12 years old. But the tricky part is that if we take a break from all of the extra camps and lessons and practices throughout the year, we worry that he will fall behind. That he will get cut. Or that he won’t make the team the following year. And we know he’d be devastated if that happened.

There are days, however, when he’s doubled up and has hockey and baseball in the same night and still has homework to do, that my husband and I look at each other and say, “What are we doing? Are we doing too much? Is he doing too much?” And honestly, we don’t know the answer. 

We always tell all of our children that our job as their parents is to ensure they reach their full potential in life. We support their hopes, dreams, and passions and provide whatever we can to help them soar. Our oldest is a high-achiever academically, and we have high expectations of him, knowing that he wants to attend a top engineering school. Our middle child is an adventurer and wants to travel the world. She’s not afraid of anything and dreams of living abroad and saving endangered species someday. She, too, needs to work hard in school and chase every opportunity she can to reach her goals. 

Then there’s #3 — the sporty one. That’s his talent. That’s his passion. So, as his parents, we believe in helping him reach his full potential on the ice and on the field. As long as he’s still loving it, we’ll still love doing the work on our end to get him there. 

But we also work very hard to ensure that all of our kids have downtime. That they have free time to hang out with friends with no agenda. We let them sleep in when they don’t have somewhere to be on Saturdays and in the summer. We expect them to do chores around the house and then sometimes we all pig out on pizza and candy, watching a movie together on a Friday night. 

We know we can’t give our kids the idyllic life we had in the ’80s — those days are long gone. But, as parents to a competitive athlete, we see firsthand what can happen if we don’t preserve some of the simple joys of childhood for our children. If we’re not careful, if we get too caught up in the pressures of youth sports, their childhoods can be stripped away entirely — and that is one regret I cannot imagine living with.

Are We Getting It Right?

If you’re living through this challenge as we are, I’m sorry I don’t have the magical answer or a crystal ball where I could tell the future — are we pushing too hard? Not enough? Are we getting it right? All I can say is that we talk to our son regularly about what he wants. He wants to play hockey and baseball as long as he can. He wants to continue to travel with his select teams and commit to playing at a higher level, which means doing the work required. We also try to remind ourselves that he’s 12, and being 12 today isn’t like what it was for us. So if he seems particularly overwhelmed or exhausted, we let him take a break, rest, recharge, and take care of his physical and mental health.

The last thing we’d ever want for him is to get burned out by sports at age 12 because we pushed him too hard. Sports are supposed to be fun, and if he’s not having fun, what’s the point? Even if he makes the best team in our state, if his heart isn’t in it, we don’t do it.

There’s no manual for 21st century parenting (but there wasn’t one for any other generation either). All we can do is love our kids unconditionally, support their dreams in whatever ways we can, and be there to cheer them on when they score a goal or hit a ball and watch it sail into the outfield.

If we can raise kids who look back on their childhood and say, “My parents were always there for me,” we’ve done a good job.

Karen Johnson is the author of What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? (And Other Thoughts from a 40-Something Mom).

If you’re finding it a little tricky to switch your brain out of vacation mode, don’t panic. We’ve put together the one back-to-school checklist every parent needs to tick off before the school bus arrives. From adding school events to the calendar and stocking up on after-school snacks to finding a tutor (yes, before school starts), this list features everything you’ve forgotten and more. Because you know you forgot something.

Make a List of Parent Contacts

It’s always a good idea to make a list of parent contacts for some of your child’s classmates. If there’s a group chat or WhatsApp, join it. You never know when you’ll need to reach out to someone in hopes of, say, printing out a research paper last-minute when your printer runs out of ink right before school starts. Not that that’s ever happened to us.

Go Back-to-School Supply Shopping

Let kids pick out their own fun supplies, even if that means they’re covered in Bluey characters or a neon-green avocado print. It might drive you crazy, and you might prefer the neutral folder set (you know, so as not to distract from all the learning that will be going on), but guess what: They’re not your school supplies. If your kid picks out their own supplies, they are more likely to use them — and not forget them in their locker. Shopping can be stressful, but if you can’t find the “three-pack of name-brand highlighters” on your school’s list? Don’t sweat it. A highlighter is a highlighter.

Download All the Pertinent Apps (and Put Logins in One Place!)

We get it — everyone means well by putting all their info into an app. Convenience and all that, right? But when that turns into 15 different apps — school, team sports, extracurriculars, parent groups — it can feel a little overwhelming. Make sure you aren’t scrambling to catch up (or missing important info) by downloading all the apps right away, turning on your notifications for each, and writing down your login info somewhere.

Your school may also have a few social media accounts, which will keep you up to date on the goings-on that take place and also provide alerts for early dismissals, cancellations, or any emergency at the school. If the school has a text or email alert system, sign up for that as well so you’ll be sure to stay in the loop.

Add School Events to the Calendar

Sure, you won’t be able to add every single thing for the whole year, but you can definitely put school breaks, state testing, school pictures, etc., on your calendar so you’re not that one parent who drives their kid to school at 7 a.m. on a Monday only to find out it’s staff-development day and there is no school.

Scout Out New Babysitters for Emergency After-School Coverage

Because you will need it. There will be a day when your car breaks down or your spouse forgot it was their turn to pick up the kids or your littlest fell off the monkey bars at recess — and you won’t make it home in time to meet the bus. Stock up on backup. And speaking of stocking up …

Stock Up on After-School Snacks

Try to balance your kids’ favorite snacks with some healthy options, and let them choose one of each when they get home from school. Because really, don’t we all deserve a little treat when we get home?

Put Money on School Lunch Accounts

If your child eats school lunch, don’t forget lunch money! It’s easy to let it slip past us now that we’ve been out of the habit all summer. Similarly …

Start Saving Petty Cash for Last-Minute Expenses

If you’re not in the habit of carrying cash (raises hand), now is the time to sock away a few small bills — $20 and below. Because inevitably, your kid will remember they need money the morning of whatever school event they need money for … and if you’re out of cash, they’re out of luck.

Get Required Immunizations & Secure Medical Forms

Many parents forget to get their kids’ forms from the pediatrician to the school prior to the first day — and depending on your school’s rules, it’s possible your child won’t be allowed to attend school until those forms are in. So maybe let’s highlight this one on the list, okay?

Get the Homework Area Ready, Organized & Stocked

Can you get any work done when your workspace is a mess? Neither can your kids. So start their year off right with a clean and uncluttered desk. Dump out the dust and hole-puncher circles from the drawers, sharpen the pencils, and find a place to keep a water bottle handy so they stay hydrated and focused.

Start to Ease Your Children Into Their School Schedule

No one is saying it’s going to be easy to get kids to wake up at the crack of dawn — or go to bed earlier so they can — but hey, it’s going to be a lot easier if you do it little by little instead of waiting until their alarm goes off on the first day.

Visit the School With Your Children if Necessary

If school is something that causes your kid anxiety, help quell that fear with a tour of their school and classroom when the building is devoid of throngs of students. Show them where their class is; walk them through their schedule; check out the bathrooms, their locker and the nurse’s office.

Sort Through Fall Clothing & Donate What Doesn’t Fit

For some reason, it’s always after you’ve bought a complete fall wardrobe that your kid decides to grow two inches in one month, totally foiling your plans of going six months without clothes shopping again. So before school starts, make sure everything still fits — and clear out some space in their closet if it doesn’t. As a bonus, no one will have to rummage through stuff that doesn’t fit while searching for a school outfit in the morning.

Find a Tutor for the Subjects Your Child Has Trouble In

If you’re lucky enough to be able to afford a tutor, find one now. Because if you wait until your child is struggling, they’ll have to play catch-up. If you find a tutor from the get-go, that person can assist your child with their homework and help them study so they won’t fall behind. If a tutor just ain’t gonna happen? There are plenty of alternative learning solutions to help you out.

Label All the Things

Dear parents: You may think you don’t need to label stuff because your child is the only Dakota in the class — or because you’re sure you’ll recognize your child’s belongings. Well, sometimes you won’t. Or it will be the exact same coat, but you won’t notice it’s two sizes too big until you get home. Or you’ll unpack their lunch box only to find remnants of a lunch that wasn’t the lunch you packed that morning. Label. All. The. Things.

Feeling the Need to Be More Involved?

Join the PTA, chair a committee, or be a room parent. It’s a lot of work, but you get to be present — and feel like you’re helping (plus, this way no one will question when they find you pressed up against the classroom door trying to sneak a peek at your kid. “Oh, I’m the room parent … just … checking on the room …”).

Several teens pointed to their jobs as a big marker of maturity. The responsibility of showing up, working alongside coworkers, and earning a paycheck makes them feel like they’re stepping into the adult world.

“Kind of putting in the grind, and being around older people at work really makes me feel like an adult,” one teen said about how their job at a local restaurant is a real introduction to the grown-up world. Another added: “I work in a job and [have] bigger responsibilities, like doing chores around the house and just helping out my parents.”

Others pointed to handling responsibilities at home. “Making my own breakfast, lunch, and dinner makes me feel like an adult,” one teen shared, while another explained, “My mom’s working, so I do my laundry, everything, by myself.” These daily acts of responsibility — cooking, cleaning, helping out when parents are busy — can feel like major steps into adulthood.

But while teens are busy proving they can handle life on their own, many feel like their parents don’t always see it. “Honestly, I think they overcomplicate it a little bit,” one teen said. “Sometimes they hover over us a little bit, and think that we can’t do stuff on our own, but we really can.”

Another frustration is the generational gap. One teen pointed out that while parents often insist they know what it’s like to be a teen, the truth is that growing up today is very different. “Especially with technology, I think that’s played a big role in how times have changed now compared to when they were kids,” explained one teen.

That difference in perspective shapes everything from how teens communicate to how they respond in certain situations. As one put it: “They might see some things differently as in how we’re supposed to react … because that’s not how we’ve grown up.” From the way teens learn and communicate to the way they see the world, this generation’s experiences aren’t a mirror of their parents’ — and teens want that to be acknowledged.

In the end, the message from teens is clear: adulting is about more than chores and jobs — it’s about the everyday independence of managing responsibilities, being trusted to figure things out, and being recognized for who they are now — not compared to who their parents were at the same age.

RushTok: It’s a glittery, chaotic (and strangely addictive!) corner of TikTok where college hopefuls document their entire sorority recruitment process. Every outfit, every rejection, every tearful pep talk in the bathroom mirror. What was once a private, campus-specific ritual has become a viral spectacle, with videos tagged #RushTok racking up more than 309 million views and #BamaRush, arguably the most famous sorority rush of all, pulling in over 756 million. 

But the biggest audience isn’t necessarily college women in Tuscaloosa or Athens. Teens who are still years away from college (and plenty who would never consider Greek life at all) are the ones binge-watching these recruitment diaries like they’re the latest season of Love Island. So the real question is: Why are teens so captivated by a college tradition that, on the surface, has nothing to do with them?

The easy answer is that RushTok is pretty much reality TV without the network budget. It’s got characters, drama, cliffhangers, winners and losers, and more choreographed numbers than an episode of Dance Moms. But the deeper truth is that RushTok is a mirror to Gen Z, reflecting what it values, fears, and struggles with: belonging, identity, performance, aesthetics, and the constant tug-of-war between authenticity and irony.

Mindfulness coach and Dear Friend author Michelle Maros tells SheKnows, “RushTok is a niche, but popular genre of content that I believe encapsulates Gen Z behaviors and preferences. Viewers flock to TikTok to see who the cast of characters will be, what their personalities are, and how they will show up, aesthetically speaking. RushTok is engaging and dynamic, and keeps viewers of all demographics excited to see what comes next.”

So let’s talk about why teens are obsessed.

RushTok as DIY Reality TV

Every year, recruitment at schools like the University of Alabama becomes a serialized drama on TikTok. There are “fan favorites,” breakout stars, villains, and moments that go viral in ways no one inside the system could have predicted. Viewers tune in daily for “outfit of the day” breakdowns, emotional updates, and the suspense of whether someone will get a coveted bid or be “dropped.”

And the audience isn’t passive. They root for their favorites, create memes, start group chats, and share updates. The storylines unfold in real time, and that makes the stakes feel higher.

It’s no accident that teens — who are digital natives — love this format. As Rachael Amato, Social & Marketing Strategist at Synaptic, tells SheKnows: “Gen Z has a unique relationship with content. They’ve grown up with tools that let them produce high-quality video from their phones, so content creation isn’t separate from self-expression — it’s seen as a crucial and necessary piece of their identity.” Watching sorority recruitment through TikTok isn’t just voyeurism, it’s an extension of the way this generation sees the world: life as content, identity as performance.

The Need for Belonging

But RushTok also taps into something deeper than entertainment: community. Teens watching from the sidelines might never rush, but they get to feel like they’re part of something (albeit vicariously). They pick favorites, celebrate “wins,” and feel the sting of rejection right along with the potential new members (or “PNM”s, in rush-speak).

Maros explains it perfectly: “Viewers gravitate towards RushTok content because it provides a digital community where creativity and authenticity are rewarded. Viewers love to see creators that own who they are and display a sense of self-confidence and self-love.”

And Amato adds another important layer. “RushTok taps into a deep value for community and belonging. We have to remember that Gen Z came of age during the post-COVID era and a time of major social disruption,” she points out. “According to a 2024 American Association of Advertising Agencies report, 73% of Gen Z report struggling with loneliness, despite being constantly connected online. Watching others go through a structured, emotionally intense process like sorority recruitment gives them a sense of inclusion and emotional satisfaction.”

That statistic is key: nearly three-quarters of Gen Z says they feel lonely. So when sorority rush becomes bingeable content, it doesn’t just entertain them — it gives them the sense of being included in something bigger.

The Price of ‘The Look’

Of course, there’s another side to RushTok that’s less heartwarming and more … well, intimidating. The outfits. The jewelry. The sheer cost of “looking the part.” Some PNMs spend over $19,000 on wardrobe and accessories to get through rush. And there’s now an entire industry of “rush consultants,” who charge as much as $6,000 to prep recruits with etiquette coaching, personal styling, and even social-media curation.

That’s a whole new level of pressure, and it’s not lost on teen viewers. They see the implicit message: you don’t just have to be likable, you have to look like you belong — and that belonging comes at a steep price.

“RushTok and the culture that comes along with it is highly aspirational and niche,” says Maros. “Viewers can easily pick up on what aesthetics and personalities will be successful throughout Rush, and thus can cultivate feelings of competition and comparison to try and live up to those expectations and standards. The ethos of RushTok is competition and it can feel cutthroat and exclusive.”

For teens, who are already navigating a social landscape where image and status are heavily curated on Instagram and TikTok, watching RushTok only magnifies those pressures.

Where Irony Meets Sincerity

Here’s where it gets complicated — and very Gen Z. Teens aren’t just passively consuming RushTok. They’re also critiquing it, mocking it, and remixing it in the process. One moment they’re sincerely rooting for a PNM to get her dream sorority; the next, they’re stitching the video with a sarcastic meme.

Amato says that duality is the point: “Some are genuinely invested, while others watch with curiosity or critique. But that blend is typical for Gen Z. They’re fluent in irony but also value authenticity. Watching RushTok lets them process social rituals in an emotionally relevant and culturally interesting way.”

That paradox — being sincerely invested and deeply ironic at the same time — is quintessentially Gen Z. They’re not choosing between earnestness and sarcasm. They’re living in both at once.

The Mental Health Catch

There’s also the mental health piece of the puzzle. When teens watch RushTok for hours on end, they’re not just entertained — they’re comparing themselves, even if it’s subconsciously. They’re absorbing messages about who’s “in” and who’s “out.” And they’re internalizing the idea that belonging is conditional.

“The repetitive nature of RushTok content can feel all-consuming, especially for a younger audience,” Maros cautions. “Witnessing live, in real-time, how creators grapple with the pressure of perfectionism and the fear of being excluded or rejected can shape a viewer’s mindset of themselves.”

That’s heavy stuff for a 15-year-old sitting in her bedroom watching strangers cry in Tuscaloosa. And it’s why Maros emphasizes creating some guidelines: “Setting healthy boundaries with screen time and taking breaks from content that pushes this competitive narrative is important.”

Validation as Currency

And finally, RushTok highlights Gen Z’s relationship with validation. At the end of the day, this isn’t just about Greek life; it’s about visibility. Going “viral” during rush can lead to brand deals, sponsorships, and sometimes even paying for tuition. Kylan Darnell, one of RushTok’s breakout stars, turned her recruitment videos into over a million followers and more than 85 million likes on TikTok.

That’s a whole new kind of sorority benefit package. For teens watching from the outside, it’s proof that virality equals opportunity — that even the most traditional rituals can become launchpads if you package them for the algorithm.

But though the downside might not be immediately obvious, even Darnell admitted recently in a TikTok video that the rush lifestyle can take a heavy toll, especially when it becomes so public: “I’m in a mental health spot where I’ve been struggling … If I was to go on there and show all these outfits, and like keep going, I would be lying to you guys and myself.”

The Bigger Picture

So, what does the teenage fascination with RushTok say about Gen Z? That they’re savvy, skeptical, and still aching for connection. That they can watch something as exclusionary as sorority recruitment and somehow make it communal. That they can crave authenticity while reveling in irony. That they’ll laugh at the ridiculousness of $19,000 wardrobes … and then stay up until 2 a.m. watching OOTD videos anyway.

As Maros summed it up, “We all want to feel included and chosen, and experiencing RushTok vicariously through creators can give us a thrill as if we are actually there. I think this TikTok trend is an opportunity to embrace community and the ties that bind us, while also remembering the importance of self-confidence and self-worth.”

“RushTok shows how Gen Z is reshaping traditional institutions for the digital era. Sororities may have once felt exclusive, but on TikTok, recruitment becomes a shared cultural event,” Amato says. “It’s part reality show, part identity workshop, and part community theater. That hybrid quality makes it so sticky — and what brands and institutions need to understand about how Gen Z relates to legacy systems today.”

At the end of the day, RushTok isn’t just a peek at sorority life. It’s a case study in how Gen Z experiences the world: in community, in competition, in irony, in authenticity, in content. And that’s why, even though they may they roll their eyes at it, they just can’t stop watching.

Before you go, check out where your favorite celeb parents are sending their kids to college.

For older generations it might seem dramatic how seriously we take political affiliations, but you must understand that it’s our future that hangs in the balance. We’ve seen increasing polarization, and it has shaped our generation to view politics as a defining trait of a person’s character. So, parents, while it might be difficult to understand that this is the new reality of dating as teens and twenty-somethings, I’m here to show you exactly how Gen Z is dealing with their new normal and finding significant others. 

We polled our SheKnows Teen Council, a group of 100 teens across the nation, and asked their opinions of dating in today’s political sphere. We wanted to see just how deeply and strongly teens are worrying about their partner’s political alignments. Here’s what we learned. 

Simply put? Boys said that dating outside their affiliation was not a deal breaker, and girls disagreed.  
Gender and dating preferences aside, Gen Z has made clear how quickly politics are consuming their lives compared to past generations. Whether flooded with political agendas on social media or dispelling those with differing beliefs, our generation is in overdrive, and it’s clear that the stakes are higher than ever.

While older generations have overlooked diverging affiliations in the name of friendship and love, younger generations have realized that overcoming such a difference is unrealistic. When asked to rate its importance, our Teen Council scored having a similar political affiliation at a 69 out of 100 when deciding on a partner, and 50 out of 100 when deciding on a friend. While Gen Z is evenly split when it comes to wanting similar political ideals in friendships or not, our generation is much less willing to be so open when it comes to potential partners; shared political beliefs are quickly becoming a deciding factor for a second date. 

As a sophomore in college, I witnessed firsthand as my small campus divided into red and blue — some students proudly wearing MAGA hats in the dining hall, while others excitedly envisioned the first female president. But then one dreary November day I was met with a gradient of faces, some gleeful and cocky, others in mourning. I watched as some of the people around me went from close friends to opponents, high on their most recent win. 

If the world has seen anything in the past six months, it’s that voting has immense consequences — and my generation is fed up. As politics become increasingly important and divided, my generation — republican and democratic alike — isn’t willing to put up with fake niceties anymore. For many Gen Z-ers, it’s no longer a question of overlooking their partner’s beliefs, it’s a question of their personal comfort. 

Of our survey’s female respondents, only one answered that they would be somewhat comfortable, and none said they would be extremely comfortable dating someone with opposing political affiliations. The majority (85 percent) of female respondents said they were uncomfortable with it — either “very” or “extremely.” However, male respondents were more divided between comfortable and uncomfortable with the majority (57 percent) leaning towards comfortable — evenly split between “very” and “somewhat.”  

Comfort aside, we wanted to see just how drastic differing political ideals was for Gen Z when deciding a partner, so we asked if it was a deal breaker. 

Of our male respondents, not even one said that a differing political affiliation was a deal breaker; 57 percent flat-out agreed that it was not, while the remaining 43 percent said they didn’t know or that it depended. This stat, however, rivals female respondents who were much more divided. The largest answer was 38 percent from female respondents who answered ‘Yes’ about whether opposing political affiliations was a deal breaker — an answer that no men chose. The remaining 62 percent was split between “No,” “I don’t know,” and “It depends.” 

When it came to the reasoning behind such a choice, many of our female respondents made it clear that they believed political affiliation was a significant marker of an individual’s identity. One female respondent shared, “If someone’s political affiliations don’t align with mine, it’s highly likely that their values also don’t. And at the end of the day, a person’s core values and beliefs are some of the most important things about them.” Our male respondents, however, felt less strongly about their partner’s affiliation, noting: “It doesn’t really matter to me, and I guess it just depends on the type of person they are,” and “I really don’t care about what someone believes in politically, it’s not a deal breaker for me as long as they’re not extreme about it and make it a problem.” For some Gen Z men, while they may take their partner’s political affiliation into consideration, it doesn’t seem to be a deal breaker. Gen Z women, however, disagree. 

It’s clear that, regardless of their own political affiliations, Gen Z women are more hesitant when it comes to dating outside of their own political beliefs — but that pause seems lacking for their male counterparts. I’ve seen this phenomenon pop up throughout my own life many times in the past year as my male friends have gone against their own beliefs when it comes to dating, and my female friends have made it a priority. 

My theory? Women, whose rights are constantly on the ballot, must be pickier with their partners. Gen Z women, regardless of political affiliation, are more inclined to choose a partner who agrees with their beliefs, especially when those beliefs are so heavily attached to their own bodies. And Gen Z men? While some take affiliation into consideration, the definitive response is that they can more easily overlook politics in their dating prospects. 

My generation may seem too dramatic and too sensitive, but it is only because we have learned to be through the consequences of older generations. We are forced to inherit a world in which political strife is no longer civil. While our political candidates grow increasingly polarized, Gen Z has realized that sharing a bed, a meal, or even space with someone who disagrees with our own ideals is becoming more unlikely — especially for young women. 

As our country continues to divide into sides, colors, and candidates, younger generations have been forced to step up. In a world where rights, identities, and futures are on the line, Gen Z isn’t willing to risk incompatibility … in love or in politics.  

In our Life Skills survey, teens described the everyday actions that make them feel more adult. One respondent wrote simply: “Driving and doing work outside of school.” Another said: “The freedom of being where I want when I want.” The survey results reflect that independence: 64 percent of respondents started commuting to school alone between ages 10–12, but nearly half (48 percent) still rely on parents for rides. A significant number are working — 68 percent have jobs — and many are already handling household responsibilities like doing the dishes (87 percent), laundry (70 percent), and cooking (65 percent). One survey respondent summed it up as “Knowing how to care for myself.” And when they look ahead, an overwhelming majority — 95 percent — say the thing they’re most excited about when it comes to adulthood is “freedom.”

In a conversation with Teen Council members, they shared specific, personal examples of what makes them feel more grown up. For 16-year-old Gary, independence starts in the laundry room: “I do my own laundry on a regular basis. … Bro, if I don’t do my laundry, it doesn’t get done.” Juliet, 17, said her early introduction to self-management came through making her own appointments: “My mom does my laundry for me, but since I literally could use my voice and use a phone she has forced me to make my own doctor’s appointments and like get all the stuff together and everything … I would do it when I was like 9, 10 years old.” Gwen, 16, tied her adulting milestone to driving: “I live in Texas, so I got my driver’s license the day I turned 16, and it’s been really fun.” And for Clive, 16, the kitchen is a proving ground: “I cook my own meals. I think that’s absurd to do your own laundry if you don’t cook your own meals.” Greta, 17, agreed in part, noting: “I can cook my own meals, and I do sometimes … when I’m home alone, I will.”

Just don’t ask them to make their beds regularly. Sixty-five percent of survey respondents said they do, but Juliet begged to differ. “I think that’s a made-up thing,” she laughed. “I don’t think people actually do that.”

Whether it’s the survey responses or the in-person answers, the pattern is the same: teens link adulting to self-reliance. Understanding what makes teens feel like adults can guide parents in helping them prepare for life on their own. The survey shows the milestones they’ve already hit; the interviews reveal the nuance and humor of how they experience those steps. Your teen may not be fully in charge of their life yet, but if they’re managing chores, working part-time, scheduling their own appointments, and getting themselves where they need to be — whether that’s through a calendar app, a bike ride, or a newly earned driver’s license — they’re already building the skills they’ll rely on as adults, and getting a taste of the independence they can’t wait for.

Interested in joining our Teen Council or learning more? Email us at teencouncil@shemedia.com.