Love & Sex Articles: Tips, Advice, Ideas, Toys & More https://www.sheknows.com All Things Parenting Fri, 29 Aug 2025 20:55:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.3 https://www.sheknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/cropped-sk-fav-icon.png?w=32 Love & Sex Articles: Tips, Advice, Ideas, Toys & More https://www.sheknows.com 32 32 149804645 Thinking About an Open Relationship? These 6 Couples Reveal How They Make It Work https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1138389/how-to-make-open-relationship-work/ Fri, 29 Aug 2025 20:45:02 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1138389/how-to-make-open-relationship-work/ Relationships are hard no matter how you slice it. They are, of course, 100 percent worth the work — and the tricky stuff is essentially overshadowed by the good times. Still, it’s only natural that every relationship has its growing pains. Perhaps you’ve grown a bit weary in yours, and you’ve been giving more consideration to trying something new. Or maybe you’re in a great place but crave extra dimension in your romantic life. In either respect, trying an open relationship may have crossed your mind more than once.

But can an open relationship really work? Or will it lead straight to heartache? We asked six couples successfully navigating the open-relationship waters to share why it does work for them… and how. Here’s what they had to say.

“You Have to Be On the Same Page”

“The key to a successful open relationship is a truly rock-solid partnership. You have to be on the same page as your partner about all aspects of an open relationship, and you have to know you can completely trust your partner. You need to lay down clear guidelines and check in with each other frequently to talk about any issues that may arise. You may try it and find out it’s not for you, and if that’s the case, you need to speak up about it. Don’t let feelings of jealousy or resentment sit for too long. Talk about how you feel right away and don’t let those feelings build up — that’s a recipe for disaster.” — Mark and Adrienne

“Never Keep Secrets”

“First, you have to make sure you’re entering an open relationship for the right reasons. This should be something that makes your relationship with your partner stronger and more enjoyable, not something that puts distance between you and your partner. If you’re entering an open relationship to try to fix your relationship, that will never work. [We’d] say the key is to make sure you have really clear rules before you start. Make a list of your limits and write them down. Talk about whether or not you are going to tell your friends, what you’re comfortable with your partner doing and what you aren’t comfortable with. The rules may change as you go, but you both have to agree on your limits. Never keep secrets. Honesty is crucial.” — Joaquin and Alyssa

“Ignore the Haters”

“Probably the most important thing we have learned about having a healthy open relationship is to not care what other people think or say. At some point, you’re going to have to have that conversation with friends and relatives — otherwise, you’ll get countless phone calls and texts every single time one of you is spotted with someone else. Although people mean well, this becomes a huge headache. It makes it more awkward to explain if they feel like you’ve sprung it on them, and that’s typically when people respond in a negative way. We’ve lost count of how many people have told us what we are doing is wrong, crazy, immoral, or just plain stupid. Ignore the haters. What we have works for us, and that’s what matters.” — Tim and DaNae

“Be OK With Being Jealous”

“Well, first of all, it probably wouldn’t have worked for us if we weren’t already in a good place before we committed to it. Ironically, we had a lot of trust issues when we were monogamous — it wasn’t until we decided to try an open relationship that we learned how to work through those and really trust each other. That had to happen before we jumped into this lifestyle. In that way, it has made us stronger as a couple. Our second big secret to success is that we accept that you need to be OK with being jealous, as weird as that sounds. But anytime one or both of us is feeling jealous, our rule is we have to talk about it with the other person. We feel like jealousy is a fact of life no matter what kind of relationship you are in, and ignoring it will just lead to resentment.” — Ashley and Kevin

“Set Parameters That All Parties Are Comfortable With”

“I think there is this misconception that all people in open relationships are completely free-spirited and go-with-the-flow types. While that is probably true for some people, others — like us — respond well to structure and rules. For us, an open relationship works because we set parameters that all parties are comfortable with. When we first started dating (and knew we both wanted an open relationship), we made it very clear what was acceptable and what was not, who was off-limits, etc. We even wrote it down so there wasn’t any ambiguity. Feeling like we are on the same page at all times makes us feel even closer to each other. And being in an open relationship is exciting and fun and sexy. But most of all, it makes us appreciate that at the end of the day, we always choose us.” — Megan and Mark

“Have Check-ins On a Regular Basis”

“[We] had both been in open relationships where one person had pushed the other into trying it, and those relationships were full of drama. So it was very important to us to establish up front that we both really wanted this. Once that was made clear, we came up with a few rules that we still rely on three years in. No. 1, the other person — the third party — has to be told from the start about the existing relationship. We made this rule because it sends a clear signal to that person that we are not emotionally available for anything other than casual dating. If they are cool with it and agree to keep it casual, then there shouldn’t be any problems. No. 2, no secret side dates! Every single meetup with someone else has to be shared beforehand. We don’t talk to each other in depth about anyone else we are seeing, but we agree that it’s important not to feel like we are hiding anything from each other or sneaking away to see anyone else. No. 3, we have check-ins on a regular basis to make sure we’re both still on board with this lifestyle. In general, communication is key… not unlike any other relationship.” — Carrie and Sam

This article was originally published in 2018.

 

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Chill Out With These 7 Sensual & Soothing Yoga-Inspired Sex Positions https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1028367/yoga-sex-positions/ Fri, 29 Aug 2025 17:01:55 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1028367/yoga-moves-that-double-as-sex-positions/ If you’re someone who loves really feeling in touch with your body, it’s no surprise if you’re into yoga, meditation, and anything that prioritizes that sweet mind and body connection. But what about ways you can bring those athletic, soothing and connected yoga vibes into your sex life? Well, there’s a long history of sex and yoga crossing paths in deeply satisfying ways — and you can get the benefits of both by setting some mindful, sexy intentions with your partner.

“Sex is a form of yoga,” says Patricia Taylor, Ph.D., author of Expanded Orgasm tells SheKnows. “In yoga, you want to integrate the mind, the heart, the body and the spirit, and you want to connect them all… It’s almost more of a question of how you approach it versus what the position is. With that focus, you can be relaxed, you can breathe, you can have eye contact with your partner, and you can have an emotional connection.”

According to Jenna Switzer, a sex coach and yoga instructor, “Yoga and sex are a match made in heaven. The stretches feel incredible and can help you create some seriously sexy shapes in bed. It’s the perfect way to bring more fun, flexibility, and mindfulness into your intimate life.”

Plus, she adds, “stress and tension are the enemies of good sex. By using yoga to release both, you’re literally training your body to relax. This not only makes you feel more present and connected, but can also significantly amplify your capacity for pleasure.”

Being mindful of that, take what you’ve learned on the mat and apply it to the mattress.

Reclining Bound Angle Pose

Reclining bound angle pose

How you do it: Lie on your back, and surround yourself with pillows, then open your legs in a butterfly position, knees resting on the pillows. Widen your feet so he can assume missionary position.

Why it’s awesome:  “Before [your partner] even touches you, you can just lie there and do your breathing and connect up with yourself,” Taylor says. “You’re very relaxed, you’re breathing, there’s a lot of eye contact. [They’re] able to reach your G spot, and this can be a very long-lasting, pleasurable position that can go on for quite a while.”

Happy Baby Pose

Happy baby pose

How you do it: Have the partner being penetrated lie back, legs above their head, bending them at the knees, essentially throwing your legs over your head (or close to it), knees close to your ears. Have him enter you missionary-style. Encourage him to rock back and forth rather than jackhammer you.

Why it’s awesome: This is a deeper, more vigorous experience if that’s the sex you’re craving, and it puts your penetrating partner in control. Taylor says this position gives the penetrating partner “deep access to your G spot and clitoris, and I think the rocking motion is really nice.”

Cow Pose

Cow pose

How you do it: Get on all fours and arch your back. Have your partner enter you from behind and vary the speed of their thrusting.

Why it’s awesome: “You’re really going into deep animal space,” Taylor says. “By playing with your clitoris — not the whole time, but I would say by bringing that in — you become multi-orgasmic.” And it gives both partners room to control the sensations they’re experiencing and make note of what feels good to each of you: “It won’t just be like pounding, but it gives you both the opportunity to savor this movement of the symphony: slow sections and the fast, the soft and the sweet and the intense.”

Tree Pose

Tree pose

How you do it: Stand against a wall or in the shower (don’t slip!). Then raise one foot, bending your knee and rotating your hip outward, then placing your foot on the opposite inner thigh. Raise your hands straight above your head, about shoulder width apart. (Grasp the wall or a bookshelf if you need to.) Have him kneel at your feet and go down on you.

Why it’s awesome: “Allowing your partner to please you while you stand balancing is a great way to stay present and out of your head,” says Switzer. “When you give your body novel stimulus (in this case, balancing on one leg) while adding in sexy sensations (the view of your partner on their knees as well as the sensation of oral), you create a win-win for pleasure and epic orgasms.”

A Post-Coital Corpse Pose

Corpse pose (After sex only!)

How you do it: We’re joking around a bit, but after you’ve done the deed, you can use the afterglow time to lie back, close your eyes, and — just like the pose’s name says — play “dead” and really connect your mind with your body. Take the post-coital glow time to let your partner know you appreciate them and receive some of that appreciative goodness back. Bask it the post ‘gasm goodness, y’all have earned it!

Why it’s awesome: “Corpse pose after sex is a great way to allow the nervous system to re-regulate as well as gives you an opportunity to bask in the sensations of the experience,” Switzer explains. “Too often we finish sex and immediately get up to do something else; brush our teeth, hop in the shower, check our phone, or something else. By giving yourself a few moments of stillness, you anchor the memory and savor the lingering sensations of your experience.”

Puppy (or heart melting) pose

How you do it: From table pose (or on your hands and knees), walk your hands forward and melt your chest down. Your hips stay stacked over your knees as your partner enters from behind.

Why it’s awesome: “Essentially it’s doggy style, so this pose allows you to experience deep penetration, gives a very sexy view to the partner behind, and allows for a deep shoulder stretch for the partner in the pose,” Switzer says.

Bridge Pose

How you do it: Lie on your back, bend your knees with feet flat on the mat (hip-width apart), arms by your sides. Press into your heels, lift your hips up. Your partner sets themselves up between thighs to penetrate.

Why it’s awesome: Besides offering a great view to both partners, Switzer says this pose allows for sensations at new angles. “It’s also great for both partners to control and adjust the depth, angle, and speed of penetration,” she shares.

Images illustrated by Amy Berlak

A version of this story was published February 2014. 

Up your solo sex game with the amazing masturbation sex positions: 

Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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A Therapist, a Divorce Lawyer, and 4 Divorcees on How To Date When You’re Separated (But Not Divorced) https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1105393/dating-separated-not-divorced/ Mon, 18 Aug 2025 21:28:41 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1105393/dating-when-youre-separated-but-not-divorced/ Dating as a divorcee is difficult enough, but when you’re still legally married, navigating the early stages of co-parenting or thoroughly wrapped up with your previous partner in some way — well, those potential minefields are magnified.

We’re here to help. If you’ve been looking to get back into dating after a divorce or separation, there are ways to do it in a way that minimizes the drama or stress, we promise. Here’s some advice from a divorce attorney, a clinical therapist (myself), and women who have been there themselves.

Don’t date unless you are emotionally divorced

The first factor to consider is whether or not you are still emotionally tied to your previous partner, regardless of your legal status.

Two weeks after catching her husband cheating and almost immediately filing for divorce after 15 years of marriage, Dani* told me during a session that she was going on a blind date. We discussed why she was leaping into the fray. The 38-year-old said, “I need to show Jeff that other men are interested in me. It’s his loss.”

I advised her to wait before jumping into the fray. She was understandably a walking emotional wound after the shock she’d just undergone and needed time to heal and embark on self-discovery. Dani acquiesced and held off dating for a solid year.

How to judge that you are truly emotionally divorced and ready to date:

  • You have no desire to reconcile with your ex.
  • You have looked at the positives and negatives of your marriage, and understand why you were in the relationship and why you are ready to leave it.
  • You are not looking to fill a void and end the loneliness of being single.
  • You know what your romantic goals are at this point — i.e., a chance to socialize and meet new people or to eventually find a new partner.

Don’t antagonize your ex

While there is no law barring you from dating while separated, you should be careful not to do anything your ex and his lawyer can use against you. Certainly consult with your divorce attorney.

Debra, 26, made what turned out to be the costly mistake of posting pictures of herself and her new boyfriend frolicking at the ocean on Facebook. She felt safe doing so because she and her soon-to-be ex Carl had long ago unfriended one another. However, the two still had many mutual acquaintances — several instantly shared the photos posted by Debra. About to sign a generous agreement, Carl reneged and ordered his lawyer to play hardball. The divorce became a protracted battle and the end result included much less favorable terms for Debra.

Other than sharing details of your dating life on any social media platform, here are other tips to adhere to:

  • Keep your dates away from your children. No need to confuse them until you are involved in a serious relationship. Minneapolis divorce attorney Mike Boulette also cautions, “If your new partner is spending time around your children he/she may get sucked into a whole world of custody litigation… So, until the divorce is final, schedule dates when your kid is with the other parent.”
  • Resist any impulse to forward your attorney’s emails or include your new partner in legal proceedings. Boulette warns, “Communications between lawyer and client are privileged, meaning your ex can never force you to divulge what you and your lawyer talked about.” That privilege can be lost if third parties are brought into the mix. In that eventuality, a new partner might have to testify about sensitive discussions with your lawyer.

Do date yourself

It’s crucial for you to get to know yourself as a single person, to know what you like about yourself as well as what you will look for in the future in a relationship.

After the first shock of her separation passed, Katie felt relieved. Her nine-year marriage had been bad for a long time. But being in a toxic situation for so long had negatively impacted her self-esteem. “I needed to start feeling good about myself and enjoy spending time by myself,” she said, adding, “I went for walks alone, to movies, I even took a solo vacation to Club Med. This was all healing for me.”

You’ll also want to develop a support system, or lean on the one you already have. You need good friends and family around who are on your side and can be counted on when you need a shoulder or ear.

Don’t lie to your dates

Many of us meet partners online and via apps these days and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it is wrong to lie on your profile about your marital status or mislead others about that part of your past.

Sheila’s Match.com profile listed her as “divorced.” And when the 33-year-old, who was in the midst of a divorce from her husband of eight years, met someone she liked online, it became more and more difficult to fess up and reveal that she wasn’t there yet.

“By the time I finally told him, we’d been dating a month and he was so hurt and angry that he ended it with me, saying, ‘How can I trust you?’”

Other points to be honest about:

  • Let your dates know if you are looking for a serious relationship or just getting your toes (and perhaps other parts) wet.
  • If you’re nervous about dating again, say so. Don’t pretend to be anyone other than who you are. You’ll have to end the facade anyway, so why create a false self in the first place?

*Names of sources have been changed to protect their privacy. 

A version of this story was published in December 2015.

Before you go, check out our favorite mental health apps that won’t break the bank:

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Stuck in Your Head During Sex? Here’s Why — & 8 Ways to Get Out of It https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1234912355/stuck-in-head-during-sex/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1234912355/stuck-in-head-during-sex/#respond Thu, 14 Aug 2025 20:17:23 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=1234912355 Picture this: things are heating up, your partner is touching all the right places, but instead of melting into the moment, your brain is busy wondering… Am I taking too long? Do I look weird from this angle? Did I switch the laundry? 

Sound familiar?

As a sex coach, I can tell you that getting stuck in your head during sex is more common than most people realize. Whether it’s stress from work, the group chat you forgot to reply to, a toddler (or teen) who screamed “MOM” 93 times today, or just the lingering buzz of being constantly “on,” it’s no surprise so many of us feel stuck in our heads during sex. Life is full. And while your body might be ready to receive pleasure, your mind might still be in “go” mode.

When that happens, it can be hard to enjoy intimacy without feeling like you’re faking it, rushing it, or analyzing it the whole time.

But here’s the good news: getting out of your head and into your body is totally possible, and it doesn’t require becoming a tantric monk or scheduling a weekend getaway (although… yes, please). Through my years of coaching, I’ve seen that these are the approaches that deliver the biggest shifts for people who want to feel more present and turned on. 

In this article, you’ll find simple, accessible ways to feel more present, more turned on, and more connected to your own pleasure – even when life feels chaotic.

Start with Mindfulness

This may seem like a sneaky way for me to convince you to meditate more, but plenty of research shows that a consistent mindfulness practice can improve nearly every kind of sexual challenge. Not only that, but when you consistently practice being present with yourself, it makes it easier in intimate moments to be present in the experience because you’ve actively worked the muscle of focus and embodiment. 

You can start simple: try finding a few moments with your morning coffee to be still and enjoy the taste, the warmth (or coolness if you’re an iced coffee girlie, no shame), and the smell. Start with as little as two minutes and try to build up from there. 

If you want some support, there are many apps offering excellent guided meditations if you prefer to be led through the experience.

Slow Everything Down

Sometimes, unintentionally, our excitement in the sack leads to sensory overload. When the speed becomes overwhelming, we retreat from our physical body and get lost in our thoughts. This can be especially true for folks who are neurodivergent.

Life is already fast-paced: from school runs and overflowing to-do lists to answering endless questions before your first sip of coffee, and work stress that doesn’t seem to stay at work. To avoid bringing this sense of busyness into the bedroom, intentionally slow your entire sensual experience down. This could mean slowing your breathing, lingering longer during touch, slowing your pace during the act, or simply giving yourself more time before penetration. It might require verbalizing to your partner your desire for a slower pace, but believe me, it’s worth it. 

The gift of feeling fully embodied during those spicy moments will transform the way you enjoy sex.

Use Sound to Stay Present

If you are generally more of the strong, silent type during sex, don’t let this idea intimidate you. Think: less porn star, more humming or soft moaning. 

Making sounds during sex is helpful in many ways. It gives you an additional sensation to focus on, it can help interrupt your thought train and bring you back to the moment, and, best of all, moaning actually helps to regulate your nervous system. 

Often, when we’re in our heads too much during sex, it can be a sign that our nervous system is overwhelmed. Try humming gently to yourself as you touch or are being touched – it’s simple, grounding, and surprisingly sexy. It also helps to stimulate your vagus nerve, which results in calming your internal system and allowing for better orgasms. 

So go ahead and make some noise!

Change Up the Position

Exploring new sex positions is both physically and mentally titillating. We are creatures of habit, so it’s easy to fall into the same “Well, it works” kind of pattern when it comes to our techniques. This can have us mentally reviewing the grocery list during the act because the predictability allows our minds to wander. 

Exploring new positions helps keep our sexual experiences spicy and fun. Your body experiences pleasure from new angles, new visuals, and maybe even a few giggles while figuring it out together.

Play with Your Senses

There’s a reason blindfolds and light bondage have stood the test of time in the bedroom. Take away one sense, and the others heighten. It draws you out of your head and deeper into the moment. 

The aim is to help you sink fully into your body by engaging your senses in new ways. This doesn’t have to be intense or elaborate to work. Start small. Maybe one partner keeps their hands to themselves for a while (restraints optional if that’s your vibe) or tries keeping their eyes closed (a blindfold can make it even more fun). You could even add earplugs to heighten touch or play a sensual audio fantasy through earbuds while your partner explores your body.

Think simple: closed eyes, earplugs, or a sensual playlist while your partner takes the lead. Before you start, check in with each other about boundaries. Find out which senses they want to amplify and which ones they’d like to give a break.

Try Something New

One of the easiest ways to get out of your head during sex is to add something new to the mix. Novelty naturally grabs your attention, which helps bring you back into the moment. It doesn’t have to be wild or out of character, just different enough to spark curiosity. 

This could mean introducing a new toy – or repurposing household items or something from the kitchen drawer in a very not-safe-for-brunch way. The goal is to keep your mind engaged in the experience, rather than getting stuck in a mental loop of chores, texts, and half-finished checklists.

Take Orgasm Off the Table

Nearly half of women report struggling to orgasm during partnered sex. If that’s you, you’re definitely not alone. But here’s the thing: when orgasm feels hard to reach, putting too much focus on “getting there” can pull you out of your body and into your head. Suddenly, you’re overthinking, second-guessing, and feeling more pressure than pleasure.

(If you’re looking for some position inspiration, check out our top positions to help women orgasm. A little inspiration never hurts.)

One powerful shift is to take orgasms off the table entirely. When there’s no finish line, the experience itself becomes the focus. This works best when both partners agree ahead of time that no one is trying to climax. Instead, you’re simply exploring sensation and staying present together. You might be surprised by how much sexier it all starts to feel when pleasure is the point. And the wild part? Often, when orgasm isn’t the goal, it happens more easily anyway.

Schedule Your Sex

Couples sometimes resist the idea of scheduling sex because they feel hot sex is impromptu or wild, not something you pop into a shared Google Calendar. But scheduling sex can be an incredible way to minimize the mental noise during intimacy and be fully present in the experience. 

When you know sex is on the horizon, you can take care of the little things that usually distract you. Tidy the room, light a candle, or take that everything shower to feel your best. When you feel sexy and clear-headed, it’s easier to get out of your head and into the moment.

Before you go, get educated on the six (yep, six) types of orgasms you can have:

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5 Shower Sex Positions for Good, Clean Grown-Up Fun https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2128277/shower-sex-positions-that-actually-work/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2128277/shower-sex-positions-that-actually-work/#respond Wed, 13 Aug 2025 18:16:23 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=2128277 When you conjure a mental image of shower sex, it’s probably a bit cinematic. Considering most of us lived through the glory days of rom-com sex scenes, it likely looks like two people thrusting and kissing passionately under a flow of water, hot steam rising out from above the sliding glass door as the camera pans out to the rest of bathroom and its newly-renovated veneer. But I wonder: Has anyone ever actually had good shower sex that’s so perfect and polished?

It’s more likely that real shower sex looks like mascara running down your cheeks, having a ton of fun soaping up your partner, and experiencing intimacy like a real human that can laugh through the messy bits. Because let’s clear something up: Water is not a lubricant, and the architecture of some showers are a cramped accident waiting to happen.

When trying shower sex, sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, CSE, sexpert for Lovers, recommends skipping extra romantic touches like lit candles or any electronics nearby. “The last thing you want is an injury during a sexy moment,” she tells SheKnows. “Also, consider installing a grab bar or safety bar in the shower. While these are typically used by older adults or people with disabilities, they’re also great for maintaining balance and staying upright. A shower stool or chair can add comfort and further reduce the risk of slips or falls.” Because, as Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the ethical porn site, Sssh.com, points out, the last thing you want to do is latch onto the shower curtain, shower rod, or any bathroom fixture for balance. “No one wants bodily injury or a potential plumbing disaster,” she tells SheKnows.

Shower sex can add a new, more intense flavor to your relationship — all it takes is stepping under the stream and letting things get slippery. “Shower sex lends itself to both spontaneity and practicality,” says Rowntree. “If busy schedules make it hard to find time for intimacy, it can be the perfect way to start your day or to unwind and reconnect at night. The heat and steam naturally put you in a more sensual, receptive state — and instead of worrying about post-work or post-gym sweat, lathering each other up (in more ways than one) rinses those concerns away.”

Intrigued? Keep reading for our favorite accessible shower sex positions.

The ballerina

How to do it: Think of this shower version of missionary, because it’s a great go-to front-facing position that still gets you hot-and-bothered.

With you and your partner both standing, hitch your leg around their hip, or prop one foot on the edge of the tub or shower stool (to keep things sturdy). From here, your partner can enter you, introduce a waterproof vibrator, tease you with a detachable shower head, or whatever the mood calls for.

What makes it great: “The front-facing nature of this position allows for great intimacy and upper body contact, not to mention it’s beautiful and visually arousing to see each other dripping wet,” Rowntree says. “It is also versatile enough to allow you to use your favorite waterproof toys–or special showerhead. Just make sure you don’t skimp on the lube, because the water overhead can wash away your natural wetness.”

Soggy doggy

How to do it: Soggy doggy is a slight twist on the most classic standing doggy-style. Lean forward and brace your hands on the shower wall or floor for stability, with your knees slightly bent. You partner can penetrate you from behind, or reach forward to tease your clit or breasts. A non-slip bath mat can help support this position if any thrusts tend to be especially powerful.

What makes it great: If you love rear-entry penetration, Rowntree says this is the way to do it safely in the shower. “In addition to the G-spot and clitoral stimulation that rear-entry vaginal sex offers, this position may also appeal to partners who enjoy anal play or anal sex,” she explains.

Sit and ride

How to do it: When having shower sex, you want to have fun and not overthink it, but there are some logistics to consider. To make sure you’re not stuck in a compromising and wet situation, this position allows you and your partner to sit on the floor, so there’s no slipping or falling.

Have your partner sit on the tub floor and straddle them in whatever position you like — and you guessed it — then simply take a ride on top. This allows for clitoral access, G-spot stimulation, and the ability to pull your partner even closer, all while being immersed in a warm flow of water.

What makes it great: “Instead of risking a ‘slip and slide,’ the ‘Sit and Ride’ gives you the frills of cowgirl sex (i.e. you control penetration, increased clitoral contact) with minimal risk,” Rowntree says. “That said, depending on how committed you are to aquatic adventures, you might want to explore getting a waterproof cushion for your partner (as he will be laying on the hard tile), or try a variation of this with him sitting up, braced comfortably against the shower wall. Either way, you can ride him dirty while you both get nice and clean, so it’s a win-win.”

Oral waterfall

How to do it: That’s a pretty sexy name, right? When there’s not a lot of space to get creative, a little oral never fails.

For this position, stand and face the shower head, or sit on a shower stool if you have one available. Your partner can kneel in front of you and please you with their mouth, adding fingers or a rumbly waterproof sex toy for extra fun, all while the warm shower water cascades over both of you (hint: that’s where the waterfall part comes in). Ask your partner to take turns, so they can enjoy being on the receiving end for a little while.

What makes it great: “The biggest benefit of this position is you have the ability to be comfortable while being safe,” Stewart says. “The last thing we want to think about is our knees buckling as we get to orgasm, so having that shower stool or grab bar is going to be clutch when you’re in this position and the more relaxed we feel, we know that it’s more likely for us to have an orgasm. For the person on their knees, grabbing a shower pillow is great for the knees, allowing you to be comfortable and sustain that position for a while.”

Back to basics

How to do it: If penetration and the ultimate task of shower sex isn’t your thing, don’t worry, because those positions don’t cover a fraction of all the ways you can have fun — there are other ways to enjoy a sexy shower moment with your partner, from scrubbing each other’s bodies to mutual masturbation.

An easy way to please? Play with yourselves while kissing or watch each other masturbate. Stand behind your partner and reach around them for a handy with silicone-based lubricant. If you’re feeling lazy, just have a steamy makeout session under the showerhead or lying in the tub.

What makes it great: “Mutual masturbation can be a great way to enjoy shower sex together. Not only would you probably increase your arousal state by masturbating together, but you’ll also be more likely to have an orgasm because you know what your body likes and not have to be dependent on a lover’s touch,” Stewart says. “This works great in the shower because if one of you happens to finish first, you can always help the other one get on their way by touching and kissing them.”

A version of this story was published November 2019.

Before you go, check out 69 sex positions you should add to your bucket list:

Ashley Britton/SheKnows


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7 Easy Ways to Modify Your Favorite Sex Positions https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2352402/modified-sex-positions/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2352402/modified-sex-positions/#respond Thu, 07 Aug 2025 20:45:47 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=2352402 We all have our favorite, old reliables in our sex lives: that toy you’re obsessed with, the finisher move that drives your partner(s) crazy and the positions that efficiently get the job the done. But sometimes you want to shake things up. That’s normal.

After all, standard sex positions aren’t always optimal for everybody or every body — but that’s why you can modify and adjust these positions to hit the right spots (either with just a shift of your bodies or with the help of a good firm pillow or some sex furniture).

And no, modifying your sex position does not mean you’re doing anything wrong; in fact, it means that you’re prioritizing both your pleasure and comfort, and that’s always a turn-on. “Modified sex positions aren’t second-best; they’re a creative, body-savvy way to unlock more pleasure,” sex and intimacy coach Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast Talk Sex With Annette, tells SheKnows. “You’re working with physical limitations, size differences, low energy, chronic pain, or just a desire to explore new sensations. Modifying a position lets you work with your body (and/or your partner’s), not against it.”

Plus, Benedetti adds, “no one’s body stays the same forever. Hormones shift, injuries happen, energy dips. Sometimes it’s not even about the body, it’s something as simple as the size of the bed, the location, the vibe of the moment, or a need for more connection than intensity.”

There are numerous ways to modify a sex position — but the big rule to follow is making sure you’re chasing what feels good and keeping you and your partner as comfortable as you want to feel.
“Modifications give you flexibility, comfort, and control in a way that standard positions just don’t always offer,” Benedetti says. “By adding a pillow under the hips, slowing the pace, or shifting the angle and suddenly you’re discovering spots, sensations, and levels of closeness you didn’t know were possible.”

To help, here’s a few of our favorite modified twists on your favorite sex positions.

Modified Missionary (The X)

What is it: There are countless ways to adjust and modify a missionary position (since it’s generally considered the most basic position in a person’s repertoire). This one is particularly great for folks looking to focus on just receiving pleasure and enjoying penetration: The X. In this position, the receiving partner lays back and spreads out like an X (feel free to add restraint play, if you’re into that) and the penetrating partner enters from the front, focusing their attention on that penetration.

Again, you can add a pillow to elevate your hips if you’d like — that can help you find the depth you’ve been looking for.

Why it’s great: According to Benedetti, this isn’t your basic missionary position. “It’s a wide-open invitation to receive,” she says. “In the X position, the receiving partner lies back with arms and legs spread out in an X shape. That open posture does more than just look hot; it physically opens the hips and pelvis, making it easier to access internal pleasure points like the G-spot and A-spot with less strain and more precision.”

It’s also a great modification for those who struggle with hip tightness or fatigue in standard missionary. “By widening the legs and relaxing into the mattress, the receiving partner can drop tension from the lower back and thighs, allowing for longer, more comfortable sessions with deeper penetration and greater body awareness,” Benedetti explains. And here’s where it gets kink-adjacent. According to Benedetti, the shape also naturally invites restraint play, wrists tied to the bedposts, a hand gently pinning the arms down, or simply the psychological thrill of being completely open and taken. “That edge of vulnerability activates the nervous system in all the right ways, increasing arousal and emotional intensity,” she explains.

Whether you want to go slow and sensual or deep and dominant, The X gives you full access to pleasure with a side of surrender that feels just as powerful.

Modified Doggie

What is it: A doggie-style position is always a crowd favorite for deep penetration and for folks that love that raw bestial feel of being on all fours. There are a few ways to modify your doggie, but a favorite is to have the receiving partner lay all the way down, leaning forward and spreading your legs instead of staying on all fours. You can feel free to add a pillow under that partner’s hips for comfort, better angles and have the penetrating partner enter from behind. This is great when the penetrating partner has maybe a shorter-length penis or toy to work with and allows for extra flush-together intimacy in each thrust. Woof.

Why it’s great: First of all, the comfort. “When the receiving partner lays flat on their stomach instead of staying on all fours, it instantly takes pressure off their wrists, shoulders, neck, and lower back, making it perfect for longer sessions or anyone with joint or mobility concerns,” Benedetti explains.

But make no mistake: this position is just as hot, if not hotter, than classic doggie, says Benedetti. “Flattening out creates a more grounded, controlled version of doggie-style that can feel more intimate or more intense, depending on how you use it,” she says. “Add a firm pillow under the hips, and you’re creating a tilt that allows for deeper penetration with less effort which is especially helpful if the penetrating partner is on the shorter side or using a toy.” Want more kink? Benedetti recommends hair-pulling, back arching, grabbing and pinning the wrists and whispering commands for dominance play.

Butterfly

What it is: A favorite for partners of very different heights, the Butterfly lets the receiving partner lay back on the bed/counter/sex-friendly surface of your choosing and their partner can enter while standing for a bit of extra power. While it can be adjusted for depth depending on how the receiving partner wants to position their legs, it can be modified in a few ways.

One: You can use a pillow or, if you’re an overachiever, the penetrating partner’s brute strength to lift the receiving partner’s hips (this adds a bit more difficulty, intensity and athleticism, if that’s what y’all like).

Two: Lazy butterfly necessitates picking a lower surface, but lets your penetrating partner use their knees (because standing can be a lot). Either way, you can thrust or grind with a good amount of control.

Why it’s great: “Butterfly is a power move for size-difference couples and anyone craving depth, control, and connection,” Benedetti explains. “With the receiving partner lying back on a bed, counter, or surface, legs open and hips slightly elevated by a pillow, this position tilts the pelvis to make internal hotspots like the G-spot or A-spot easier to reach with less effort and more precision.”

Additionally, this position is gentler on the lower back, which Benedetti says is ideal for long sessions, and can be incredibly versatile.

Spoon dog

What is it: Spooning sex is cuddly and intimate and warm. But you can dirty up your spoon by mixing it up with your doggie style technique. Get on your sides and instead of just relaxing against the penetrating partner’s chest, have the receiving partner lean forward with feet between their legs or at their thighs (not quite curled in a ball, but close) and have them enter from behind.

It’s a great way to get the depth and power of doggie with the lazy closeness of your favorite spoon (and you can always slide back into a softer position as you go — and we have to love that versatility.

Sex, like so many things, isn’t a one-size-fits-most endeavor. You’ll need to trial and error to discover the positions that feel right for your body and your partner’s body. But exploring and adjusting is half the fun.

Why it’s great: “Spoon Dog is one of the most underrated sex position upgrades,” Benedetti says. “It blends the deep, primal angle of doggie with the warmth and intimacy of spooning. Both partners lie on their sides, with the penetrating partner behind and the receiving partner slightly curled forward or resting one leg between the others’. It’s low-effort, high-impact, and full of erotic potential.”

The angle allows for deep, steady penetration, explains Benedetti, especially if the receiving partner tilts their hips forward or draws a leg higher to open access. “And here’s the key: the person in front can subtly control depth and intensity by shifting their hips, tightening their thighs, or adjusting leg positions, making it ideal for tuning into what feels good moment to moment,” she says.

And because it requires minimal physical strain, Bendetti says Spoon Dog is perfect when one or both of you are tired, sore, or craving something slower. “It’s the go-to position for lazy mornings, recovery days, or anytime you want to feel fully ravished without having to do the heavy lifting.”

Modified Cowgirl: The Hip Circle Ride (with Optional Elevation)

What is it: According to Benedetti, instead of bouncing up and down, the receiving partner stays low and uses slow, circular hip motions to grind against their partner. Think pelvis-to-pelvis connection, with intentional movement.

Why it’s great: “This modification is especially helpful for those with tight hip flexors, joint sensitivity, or conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, or postural instability,” she explains. “Using a wedge pillow or sex ramp under the receiving partner’s knees or behind their partner’s back shifts the angle, reduces strain on the legs, and allows the receiver to stay upright or lean forward comfortably without burning out. It essentially lifts the partner underneath, so you don’t have to work as hard to stay balanced or maintain clitoral pressure.”

Additionally, Benedetti says circular grinding creates consistent contact with the clitoris, pubic bone, or even a toy tucked between bodies, making it easier to build toward orgasm. “You’re also in full control of rhythm and depth, which is ideal if you’ve ever felt overstimulated, rushed, or unsure of how to ride.”

Modified Side-by-Side Missionary

What it is: Instead of one partner being on top, you’re both lying on your sides, facing each other. The receiving partner can drape one leg over the penetrating partner’s hip or let both legs stay low, whichever is more comfortable.

Why it’s great: This position is a game-changer for partners managing chronic pain, says Benedetti, including lower back issues, pelvic floor dysfunction, or fatigue from autoimmune conditions. “It removes the strain of full-body weight and helps both partners relax into the moment without losing intimacy,” she explains.

What makes this version so underrated, she says, is the access it offers. “With hands free and bodies aligned, there’s room for clitoral stimulation, toy play, nipple touch, or even a wand between you. You can grind slowly, hold each other close, and whisper through every movement, making it ideal for emotional connection and orgasmic focus.”

A version of this story was published September 2020.

Before you go, check out 69 more of our favorite sex positions to try before you die

Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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These Are the 8 Best Sex Positions to Reduce Stress, According to Experts https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2159295/sex-positions-to-reduce-stress/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2159295/sex-positions-to-reduce-stress/#respond Tue, 29 Jul 2025 19:02:18 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=2159295 Most days, we live an unforgivably stressful existence — all the more so in the last few years, when a pandemic, international unrest, and a chaotic political environment have combined to trigger our fight-or-flight instincts are triggered  just about every day. Between work, family and everything else that crops up to make your head spin and keep you scrolling through your phone, any and all precious free time should probably be spent trying to take the edge off. One way to do that? Sex, of course.

“Sex is an excellent stress reliever because it releases chemicals in the brain, like dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin,” Tim Lagman, Resident Sex Educator for pjur, tells SheKnows.  “These chemicals are natural mood enhancers released during orgasm, which help reset the nervous system, bringing the body from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest.” He adds that sex can also be meditative, “which helps people get out of their heads and back into their bodies to help ground them in times of anxiety.”

So when you’re leaning on sex for stress relief, what positions should you opt for? Are we talking lazy, low-key positions, moves that maximize pleasure and remove the pressure, or challenging positions that force you to stay present and focused? Alicia Sinclair, sex educator, founder and CEO of Le Wand, actually recommends different approaches based on what kind of stress you’re carrying. “If you’re mentally exhausted and need to decompress, slower, more intimate positions work best—think spooning or lotus where you can melt into your partner,” she says. “But if you’re carrying physical tension or pent-up energy, sometimes you need more active positions that let you literally move the stress out of your body.”

The beauty of stress-relief sex, she says, is that it doesn’t have to be performance-focused. “These positions are designed around comfort and connection rather than acrobatics. When you remove the pressure to be ‘good at sex’ and instead focus on feeling good, the stress relief happens naturally.”

To help you pursue your best chill, TLC-filled sexual life, we’ve compiled a few of our favorite positions that make sex a relaxing, stress-free experience.

Spooning

What it is: In this house, we love to spoon! There’s few positions more intimate and low-key, for one thing, and it just fuels the warm and fuzzies between partners. Lay on your sides and have the penetrating partner enter from behind — meanwhile hands are free to hold a toy or explore other erogenous zones on the body. You can also control the depth of penetration without much fuss depending on how you bend your legs.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Spooning is the ultimate comfort-sex position,” says Sinclair. “The full-body contact releases oxytocin—our bonding hormone—while the slow, gentle movements naturally lower your heart rate and blood pressure. It’s particularly effective for anxiety because you feel completely held and supported.” Plus, the lazy pace means you can focus entirely on sensation rather than performance.

Lotus

What is it: Not nearly as bendy as it sounds, the Lotus is a super cuddly and chill way to embrace your partner. The penetrating partner sits cross-legged while their partner straddles them, wrapping their legs around their waist for face-to-face intimacy. It’s relaxing and easy to enjoy the thrusts from this position while also sharing sweet words, kisses or looks as you go.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Lotus creates this beautiful bubble of intimacy where you can make eye contact, kiss, and whisper to each other throughout,” Sinclair shares. “The close contact and synchronized breathing naturally regulate your nervous systems together. It’s particularly powerful for couples dealing with relationship stress because it rebuilds emotional connection while providing physical release.”

Coital alignment

What is it: Another elevated cousin of missionary, coital alignment encourages you to keep your pelvis a bit below your penetrative partner and bend your knees so they’re up by your arms. This one guarantees a good amount of action for the clitoris — which is something we can always get behind.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Coital alignment is perfect for women who need guaranteed clitoral stimulation to fully relax into pleasure,” Sinclair shares. “When you know orgasm is likely, you can stop mentally managing the encounter and just surrender to the sensations. The consistent pressure and rhythm create a meditative quality that’s incredibly soothing for overstimulated minds.”

The Plow

What is it: If you’re a yogi, you might be familiar with the really calming sensation of a Happy Baby pose. The plow isn’t exactly like that, but has a relaxing elevated missionary vibe that lets you lay back and enjoy all the penetrating partner has to give. Depending on how flexible you are, you can raise your legs to rest on your partner’s shoulders, hooking your knees or not depending on how comfy it is for you. From there, you just let them thrust away and enjoy the deep penetration.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “The plow has this wonderful surrendering quality—you literally just lie back and receive,” Sinclair explains. “For people who are constantly in control mode, this position forces you to be passive and just feel. The deep penetration can be incredibly grounding, and the elevated legs actually improve circulation, which helps with physical tension release.”

Flat doggy-style

What is it: Modify your standard dirty doggy moves by sprawling out a bit more. Position as you would for regular doggy and then simply lower yourselves down on to the bed so the penetrating partner is draped over you and you’re comfy and cozy against the mattress (or whatever surface you’re working with). Plus, by not having to stay up on all fours, everyone’s hands are free to do some roaming or to mix things up with toys.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Flat doggy combines the deep penetration benefits of traditional doggy with the comfort of lying down,” Sinclair says. “The full-body contact from behind feels incredibly nurturing and protective. It’s particularly good for releasing physical tension because the receiving partner can completely relax their core and back muscles while still getting intense stimulation.”

Standing Doggy

What is it: The receiving partner faces a wall or leans against the table or counter while the penetrating partner enters from behind.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Great for letting go of tension, no need for intimacy, and it allows for deep and fast thrusting to (literally) pound out your stress,” says Ligman. “This one is also a great move to take anywhere in the house.”

Pile Driver

What is it: Start with the receiving partner lying down. Their torso should slide off the foot of the bed while their legs stay up. For the receiving partner, you can use your hands to support your lower back — for those of you practicing pilates, you might know this position as the Jack Knife. The penetrating partner keeps their legs on the bed, but the upper half goes off the bed and supports themselves in a high plank push-up position with their hands. Slowly adjust your positioning until you enter.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “This is great for the penetrating partner to work on their callisthenics while the receiving partner can work on their flexibility,” Ligman explains. “Another great way to work up a sweat!”

Standing 69

What is it: A fun, albeit more challenging, way to have oral sex when penetration is a no-go. One partner can kick up into a handstand against a wall for support while the other partner stands normally, making sure both partners are aligned at the mouth and genitals at the same time. The standing partner can support the hips of the hand-standing partner to maintain balance. If both partners have the strength and endurance, a variation of this is that the standing partner will carry the upside-down partner by lifting them off the ground. The upside-down partner can wrap their legs around the upright partner for added support.

Why it’s great for stress relief: “Now, this may cause a lot of stress if not done right,” Ligman admits. “However, it can be so rewarding and you’ll forget why you were stressed in the first place if you can hold this position at length.”

A version of this story was published May 2020.

Stressed TF out? Same. Here’s a few more sexy bucket list positions to try when hanging out with your partner: 

Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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10 Oral Sex Tips for Women Who Feel Awkward Receiving It https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1077631/oral-sex-tips-for-women/ Mon, 28 Jul 2025 21:30:29 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1077631/oral-sex-tips-for-women/ Cunnilingus, or oral sex, is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Since most vagina-havers experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation and not intercourse, it’s also a near surefire way to ensure sexual satisfaction in a relationship.

But our partners aren’t always sure we want it and, to be honest, a lot of people with vaginas aren’t always sure they want to receive it. We think about the way our vaginas look. How they smell. Whether our partner is enjoying it and, because of a lot of internalized negativity toward our vaginas, we can feel dirty. We wonder whether we look “normal” down there. And all of those insecurities keep us from relaxing and loving the moment (and for some folks this can get in the way of orgasm), while our partners often aren’t sure what to make of our “no, but yes, but are you sure you want to do that?” signals.

Comparison can also mess with our heads – we’re constantly stuck on the idea that we should look or smell a certain way. But the truth? That scent you’re overthinking? It’s often a huge turn-on. “I’m talking about pheromones. One guy once told me he’d wear a gas mask with the scent of a vulva just to breathe it in,”  Kate ‘InBedWithKate’ Kozlova, a resident sex educator at Luxus, tells SheKnows. “Some people shop online for used panties for the same reason. What we think is ‘gross’ is often insanely hot to others.”

Beyond that, receiving oral can feel vulnerable in a way many of us aren’t used to. “A lot of women struggle with being vulnerable, opening up, and receiving,” Kozlova says. “Opening your legs for oral sex involves a greater kind of openness, and as women, we’re so used to being the givers, the caretakers, the ones who say, ‘I’m good, you go ahead.’ So when it’s time to just lie back and receive pleasure — even though we deserve it — it can feel uncomfortable. We’re culturally conditioned to prioritize male pleasure.”

We might also feel insecure about how long it takes to climax, worrying that we’re taking “too long” instead of staying present. “In reality, most vaginas don’t operate on the same timeline as penises,” says Kozlova. “There’s no magic button you can press to get a vulva turned on and ready to orgasm in minutes.”

The truth? You deserve pleasure. You deserve to feel safe, turned on, and adored – smell and all.

Of course you can always opt out of cunnilingus — no one should participate in a sexual activity that they’re uncomfortable with — but if you are curious and down for someone to go down on you, you might find it easier to let go and let yourself be pleasured with these expert tips.

Don’t be ashamed to straight-up ask for what you want, but make it sexy

It’s one thing to bark orders and make demands in bed, and quite another to lean over and whisper that you would do anything — anything — if they would do that thing with their tongue that drives you over the edge. Be direct, honest and hot about it.

“Direct communication is incredibly powerful because it eliminates the guesswork that creates anxiety for both partners,” Alicia Sinclair, sex educator, founder and CEO of Le Wand, tells SheKnows. “When you say exactly what you want in a sultry way, you’re not just giving instructions—you’re expressing desire, which is inherently sexy. Try something like ‘I’ve been thinking about your mouth on me all day’ rather than a clinical request. This frames oral sex as something you actively want, not something you’re hesitantly allowing.”

Pay a compliment

If your partner isn’t going down there as much as you’d like, it’s possible they lack confidence that they are pleasuring you to your satisfaction. So make sure you are your partner’s greatest cheerleader when something is working. If something isn’t working, say it and suggest a move that does. Say out loud that you love that one thing. Announce when you’re about to come and make it clear the reason it’s happening. Once you see how much it pleases your partner to please you, it won’t feel so awkward.

“Positive reinforcement during oral sex serves a dual purpose: it guides your partner toward what works while simultaneously building your own confidence,” Sinclair says. “When you vocalize pleasure—‘that feels incredible’ or ‘don’t stop doing that’—you’re training yourself to focus on the good sensations rather than your insecurities. Many women discover that the act of verbalizing pleasure actually amplifies it.”

Groom to boost your confidence

You don’t have to torture yourself by getting monthly Brazilian wax treatments if that’s not your thing. However, if you’re worried about what you look like down there and it prevents you from initiating oral sex even though you want it, do what you can to ensure you are clean and groomed to your own standards. You don’t have to spend a dime or cause you great pain to do so, either. Trim a little, shave a bit, and hop in the shower first if you’re feeling frisky and have just arrived home from the gym. Chances are your partner loves you no matter what, but self-confidence goes a long way.

“Self-care rituals before intimacy can be incredibly powerful for shifting your mindset from anxious to excited. The key is doing what makes you feel confident, not what you think your partner expects,” Sinclair says. “If a quick shower and some light grooming helps you feel more present in your body, that’s valid self-care, not vanity. Remember, confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

 Let your body provide clues

Women are often accused of not being more honest and upfront when it comes to asking for what we want, especially during sex. It’s a valid point, but it can also get rather annoying having to always feel like a nag. One way to avoid the oral sex talk that can kill the mood is to use nonverbal cues. If your partner is kissing your neck or chest, nudge your body upward to let him know you’d like him to explore other areas.

“Non-verbal communication can be incredibly effective because it feels more organic and less demanding than verbal requests,” Sinclair explains. “Physical cues like guiding your partner’s head or positioning your body strategically can communicate desire without breaking the flow of intimacy. This approach works particularly well for people who struggle with direct verbal communication about sex.”

Don’t play dead

In addition to verbally expressing what you like while he’s giving you oral sex, let yourself be free enough to moan, groan, wriggle and enjoy! The more responsive you are, most partners will get the hint that you really, really like what’s going on and want it to happen more often.

“Authentic responsiveness creates a positive feedback loop—when you allow yourself to moan, move, and react naturally, you’re not just communicating with your partner, you’re also staying connected to your own pleasure,” Sinclair says. “Many women hold back their natural responses out of self-consciousness, but this actually disconnects them from the very sensations they’re trying to enjoy.”

Besides, anyone who doesn’t leap at the chance to drive you that wild again is seriously lacking in the effort department. Again, once you see how it satisfies your partner to satisfy you, it will help you feel more confident.

Give your partner oral sex

Take the lead by giving oral sex to send the message that you want to spend more time on foreplay but aren’t quite sure how to come out and say that directly. Then, if they try to go straight for the main course, ask them to reciprocate. If your partner isn’t into oral, that’s another conversation, but it’s a great non-verbal way to make it clear it’s something you’re into (that works great with using your words too!)

“Leading by example is a subtle but effective way to communicate that oral sex is a priority for you without having to explicitly negotiate. It demonstrates that you value extended foreplay and oral pleasure, which can naturally lead to reciprocation,” Sinclair shares. “Plus, giving pleasure often helps us feel more comfortable receiving it—there’s something equalizing about mutual oral sex.”

Start loving your vulva

According to Kozlova, the more you love and appreciate your vulva and all she does for you — including, yes, what she looks and smells like — the more comfortable you’ll feel about oral sex. She recommends starting by using a mirror or filming your vulva close-up to familiarize yourself with your anatomy. “You might even get turned on by the aesthetics of your own body!” She says. “You can improve sexual confidence and body image by speaking positive affirmations to your vulva and telling it how much you love it.”

From there, Sinclair says you can move onto self-exploration and self–pleasure. “Many women benefit from spending time exploring their own bodies through masturbation and self-touch before receiving oral sex from a partner. When you know what feels good and become comfortable with your own anatomy, you bring that confidence into partnered experiences. You can’t fully receive pleasure from someone else if you’re not comfortable with your own body first.”

Create a comfort ritual.

Sinclair suggests establishing a pre-intimacy routine that helps you transition from daily stress into a sensual mindset. “This might be dimming the lights, playing music you love, or taking a few minutes to connect through kissing and eye contact before moving to oral sex,” she says. “The goal is creating an environment where you feel emotionally and physically safe to be vulnerable and receive pleasure.”

Practice mindful presence.

One technique that Sinclair recommends is mindful breathing during oral sex. “When you notice your mind wandering to insecurities—‘Do I smell okay?’ ‘Is this taking too long?’—bring your attention back to physical sensations through deep breathing,” she explains. “Focus on what you can actually feel rather than what you’re worried about. This practice helps retrain your brain to stay present with pleasure rather than spiraling into anxiety.”

Use a positioning pillow.

Sometimes you can’t relax because the way your body is positioned just doesn’t allow you to. Which is why Kozlova recommends elevating your hips with a sex pillow, which can improve comfort and help provide easier access for your partner while reducing neck strain. “It can also help boost your confidence by putting your body in a flattering, supported position,” she says.

A version of this story was published January 2016.

Before you go, check out our (NSFW but totally nice) sex position bucket list: 

Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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Fans Can’t Stop Talking About Harry Styles Unexpectedly Releasing Sex Toys https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1234906815/harry-styles-pleasing-brand-sex-toys/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1234906815/harry-styles-pleasing-brand-sex-toys/#respond Sun, 27 Jul 2025 14:33:59 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/?p=1234906815 In yet another unexpected turn of events, Harry Styles has entered the sex toy market; and it’s been the talk of the town.

As many fans know, back in 2021, Styles started a beauty brand called Pleasing, which was known for selling nail polishes, tinted lip balms, perfumes, and more. However, they just entered the sexual wellness space by releasing

Styles has now expanded Pleasing into Pleasing Yourself, which is all about sexual wellness. For this, they launched the Pleasing Double-Sided Vibrator, which retails for $68, and the silicone-based Pleasing Lube, which retails for $25. (Fun fact: The Pleasing Double-Sided Vibrator was actually developed in collaboration with sex educator Zoe Ligon!)

Harry Styles at “My Policeman” Premiere at the Academy Museum on November 7, 2022 in Los Angeles, California.
Harry Styles Michael Buckner/Variety

Now, the release immediately started discourse on X, the app formerly known as Twitter. Many found the release random, and many said they’re still waiting for his next album. However, just as many fans came to his defense, and saying they love this new release.

One fan wrote, “I’m so tired of everyone acting like this is so out of character for this man when his first Grammy winning song is literally about eating someone out. The brands called Pleasing. Please get a clue.”

Another fan wrote about their excitement for the release, saying, “im about to become charlotte in that satc episode where she becomes addicted to her dildo.”

So, is this a one-off release or a sign that he’ll be continuing sexual wellness releases? Only time will tell, but what we do know is that both products are already sold out, and that it has a charitable twist to them. They did it in collaboration with Planned Parenthood Federation of America to help “educate the public about sexual health and wellness,” per People.

100-Vibrators-We’d-Recommend-to-All-Our-Friends-embed

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69 Sex Positions You Need to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/ https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/#respond Thu, 24 Jul 2025 18:00:00 +0000 https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/ If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.

No shade at your tried-and-true sex positions—after all, hopefully, they’ve become faves for good reasons, like consistent climax and connection.

The thing is, with so many pleasurable sexual configurations to try, there’s really no good reason not to branch out while you bone. Not to mention, trying new sex positions can help stoke the so-called sexual flames, keeping things hot-hot-hot even as the months and years go on. Of course, things like new sex toys (our personal favorite is Womanizer’s new Enhance vibrator) can help heat things up too. There are plenty of ways to make sure that no two nights in are exactly the same, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two. Sometimes all it takes is a brand-spanking-new position to get the party started and to reignite some important conversations about what feels best in the act. (And remember, it’s okay if those things change or if you just want to test something out!)

We also know you’re busy and probs don’t want to waste precious time researching impossible pretzel-like contortions. That’s why we asked queer sex educator and sex journalist Gabrielle Kassel to share the best sex positions for reigniting the spark, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner or two.

Read on for a compilation of 69 (nice) sexpert-based sex positions we think you should try ASAP.

A version of this story was originally published in July 2016. 

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