The A to Z of Baby Name Etiquette

Announcement

Choosing your baby name is only half the battle. There are plenty of do’s and don’ts when it comes to announcing it too. While the easiest and fastest way to make the name public — along with a dozen cute snaps of your fresh-out-of-the-womb darling — is to announce it on Facebook, that might not go down well with close family. To avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, tell family and friends before sending out a digital bulletin. 

Backups

It makes sense to have a backup name just in case. You might look at your newborn and think, “He just doesn’t look like a Toby.” Or a really grouchy nurse in the maternity hospital might have totally ruined the name Jessica for you. A backup also means less chance of an impulse decision you might regret later. You’re not breaking any laws by leaving the hospital without naming your kid.

Claiming

If someone tells you their baby name choice, it’s normally to make sure you don’t use it. Try to think of it that way rather than, "Oooh, my sister came up with a great baby boy name last year!" Remember, there are literally thousands of baby names to choose from. A name, no matter how gorgeous, is not worth destroying relationships for. 

Drama

Ideally, choosing your baby name should be an enjoyable part of the whole pregnancy/newborn roller coaster. Minimize the drama by avoiding any controversial choices. Tread carefully when giving your baby the same name as someone else’s child. As a general rule, leave a generation (10 to 15 years) between your child’s birth year and that of the person who shares their name. If that rules out your cousin’s 4-year-old, so be it. 

Exes

OK, so you love the name Joshua. But it’s also the name of your ex-boyfriend. This makes it a major no-no. The same goes for exes of your parents, siblings and best friends. Some names just “belong” to certain people, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Leave the name in the past where it belongs — with the relationship. 

Family Politics

You'd think it would be easy to name your tot after their Great Grandma Grace or your favorite Uncle Max. Not always. Great Grandma Grace might want to be the only Grace in the family, and Uncle Max's daughter might already have earmarked his name for her own kid. To avoid a major family fallout, check with all concerned parties first. 

Grandparents

Ah, grandparents. This could also come under “Drama,” “Family Politics,” “Opinions” and “Questions.” Some grandparents expect to be involved in the name-selection process. Some won’t keep their opinions to themselves, and some will drive you crazy with their endless suggestions. Sorry. There’s not much you can do about any of this. Just ride it out. 

Hijack

One of the most serious contraventions of baby naming etiquette is hijacking the baby name of another pregnant woman. Whether you can use the name your thus-far-child-free friend has always loved may be up for debate, but taking the name of a fellow mom-to-be who’s going to be welcoming her own kid shortly after you… well, shame on you. 

Initials

Some people don’t care what their baby’s initials spell out, but it’s worth thinking about it for a second. Would you want to be called Oliver Martin Grey or Louisa Odette Lopez? Of course, you might think it’s quirky to give your baby an acronym as well as a name — it’s entirely your call. 

Jokes

It’s true — some people are not above making jokes about the baby name you love. If you’re open to feedback, take it on board. If not, tell them to keep their questionable wit to themselves (or keep your name under wraps until after the baby is born). They might still make jokes, but probably not in front of you. 

Kooky

Ask people with weird and wonderful names whether they’ve been a blessing or a burden, and you’re guaranteed to get a mixed response. Some people love their kooky name because it makes them memorable and unique, while others hate it because people make assumptions about them. Ultimately, you can name your kid anything you like — but they have to live with it forever. 

Listen

If you’re open to suggestions, it’s best to ask a few trusted friends — you don’t have to send a poll out to everyone you know. Listen to what they have to say, and at the very least, you might get some great backup options to help you make up your mind.  

Middle Name

If you don't want to stick to family tradition with your baby's first name, their middle name (or names) can provide the perfect opportunity to honor a custom that's endured for generations. In other words, you'll keep the in-laws happy. 

Nicknames

Consider how your name choice can be shortened — and how you feel about that. Because people will shorten it whether you like it or not. It could lead to your kid ending up being called a very different name than the one on their birth certificate. Lizzie and Beth are completely different names than Elizabeth, for example. 

Opinions

Everyone will have one. If you don't want to hear them, keep your baby name to yourself until your little one is born. Generally, people are far less likely to criticize a name if it belongs to the adorable infant they're holding in their arms. 

Permission

If you’re really brave enough to swipe the baby name your BFF has had at the top of her list since grade school, ask for permission first — and be prepared to get the response you don’t want. It might help if you have a long list of tempting alternatives to offer in exchange. 

Questions

People will want to know your baby name and will try to break you at every given opportunity. The key is to prepare yourself for all the questions. A standard response like, “We’re not sharing the name right now,” or “We want to keep the name a secret,” should suffice. If all else fails, take a deep breath and walk away. 

Reveal

Before you reveal your fabulous baby name to all and sundry, weigh up the pros and cons. On the plus side, making your name public prevents someone else from stealing your name by accident and might just lead to a bunch of cute personalized gifts. However, these gifts will be completely useless if you change your mind. And there’s always a chance the baby girl you were told you were having turns out to be a boy. 

Stealing

Known in baby-naming circles as name-napping, this is a highly controversial move that could ruin friendships forever. You're not in Friends, and your best mate might not be as cool as Monica was when Rachel stole the name Emma. And stealing a name on behalf of someone else is just as bad. When someone shares "their" name with you, consider it off the market for everyone. 

Tradition

It’s not entirely up to you whether you honor family naming tradition or not — unless you’re flying solo. You have to consider your partner’s views as well. It’s a tough position to be in if they’re determined to raise William Joseph V, but you think there are already more than enough William Josephs in the family. In most cases, there is room for compromise, such as going for William Joseph on the birth certificate but calling your child Will or Joe in everyday life. 

Unique

As in, your baby will be, regardless of their name. Don't get too caught up in finding an unusual name just for the sake of it. And remember that there are plenty of more traditional names that aren't often used nowadays, which makes them just as unique. Choosing a baby name should be an enjoyable experience, so try not to stress over it too much. 

Veto

If you and your partner really can’t agree on a baby name, you’ll need to give each other the power of veto. It’s time to be a grown-up about this and prepare yourself for not getting your own way. Don’t worry; you’ll get there in the end — hopefully before “Veto” becomes the most appealing choice.   

Widespread

It's a good idea to think about just how common your top baby name choice is. Compare it to the annual top baby names list and decide if you want your kid to be one of many Olivias or Noahs in their school class.  

X Factor

If you want your baby name to be a real talking point — the Stormi or True of your neighborhood — you gotta think outside the box. FYI, it’s probably best to set the baby naming book to one side and focus on your Instagram feed or favorite entertainment website to get celebrity-inspired baby name ideas.  

Your Choice

At the end of the day, your baby name is your choice. Forget the top-10 lists and what your parents think. Yes, it’s a big responsibility to give someone a name they’ll (hopefully) have for the rest of their life, but if you follow your heart, you’ll get it just right. 

Zodiac

Baby name inspiration can be found everywhere, from your local newspaper to movie credits. If you're into horoscopes and want to pick a name that resonates on a deeper level than "We like it the most," turn to the zodiac for baby name inspiration.  

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